Oh MG! (Myasthenia Gravis)

Through my battle with Myasthenia Gravis there are things I don’t like to share. Things I don’t want people to see or hear but, this week has been rough. One of the symptoms that I struggle with is a feeling of “impending doom”. It’s hard to describe and share how I truly feel. This feeling is not every day. It comes at random times and when it hits it does not play. I feel like I am going to die, at any given moment.

This past Tuesday when I woke up I knew it was not going to be a good day. My first thought when I hit my alarm clock was – I am not going to be here for Adam’s graduation. I know that this is not real. It is not me, it is not how I am made but it is debilitating. I refuse to give in to it so I do my best to ignore it. I got dressed and cried because in my mind I was going to die while having a bad hair day. I prayed for strength to fight this demon. I get in the car and start to back out the driveway when I have to stop and pray away the fear of dying in a car wreck. For the past couple of months to conserve energy and keep people from worrying about me I have been riding with a friend from work. I meet her at her house. On Tuesday when I got in her car Donna looked at me and said “How’s it going?” I cry again and have to explain what’s going on. Donna is ever the optimist and said “It’s going to be a great day today!” I get to work and cry because my pen ran out of ink. I’m not sure how that was going to kill me but whatever! I go to the bathroom and decide I’m going to die in the bathroom at DDEAMC because I might fall and hit my head. Jeepers! It was an all day affair of fear, prayer, fear, prayer. I think I prayed so much Jesus even said “It’s her AGAIN?”

I’m driving home from Donna’s house and Kathryn calls. We are talking when she makes a joke and I…yep you guessed it…burst into tears. Since getting diagnose with MG I have been so worried about my kids not being effected by this that I had not shared with Kathryn this part of the process. She took it better than I thought and assured me everything would be fine. She had no clue I dealt with this. I think she was speechless when I told her I cried about possibly hitting my head on the toilet and dying. After a long pause she said it you die that way I am putting it in your obituary. Note to self, I must die in a non dramatic fashion. 😂😂

I get home, pick up Mama and we go to vote. I see one of Kathryn’s life long friends who asks me how I am doing. At this point I can’t cover up the fact I’ve been crying all day. I look at Rozina and tell her that i am not having a good day. Her response is jumping up from her chair and embracing me in a huge hug in which she tells me she loves me and it will be ok. Well, that made me tear up even more! That small gesture meant more than she will ever know.

I finally make it home and Adam had come in from the State Championship Golf Tournament he played in on Monday & Tuesday. They didn’t place anywhere near first but they had fun. The team played in the pouring down rain and he made memories. He made me smile when he came home talking a mile a minute because that is rare. We talked for a bit and i went to bed.

When I woke up on Wednesday morning just as quickly as it had appeared it was gone. I felt good mentally and physically. I know it’s long and boring but I want people to know that sometime I simply cannot say that I’m doing good. Some days just stink and there is nothing you nor I can do about it.

I am not scared of dying at all. I have peace in knowing I will be with Jesus. I know that I will be healed in the heavenly fashion. However I would love to see Adam graduate tomorrow, meet my grandchildren (no she is not pregnant) and grow old with Tal like we planned. But let’s face it; we are not promised tomorrow. So, as for now I am making the most of each day I spend here on this earth. I do know what I am promised; eternal like with an Almighty God! How exciting is that? It reminds me of a song that I love to sing:

There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There’ll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

And what a day that will be but for now I will keep praying and plugging along!

Thanks for reading ~ Melynda

God gifted me with the most wonderful, loving, hot tempered, hard headed handful of a father. I can say that because I’m just like him in a lot of ways. He loved with every part of his being, he got mad with every part too! 😂 We would butt heads like goats in a fight, say our peace and return to our corners never to discuss the dispute again. My brother…he is exactly like my dad. I can hear his grunt and eye roll over that read now. My mama has had an entertaining life to say the least! She has had to laugh to keep from crying.

In life we are given one biological father: good, bad and indifferent that is the truth! My daddy has been gone for 3 years and Father’s Day has and probably always will be tough. I was a Daddy’s girl. I went fishing, hunting, working, fire calling, truck driving, school skipping 😂, grocery shopping, house remodeling, step by step with my daddy. All the way to the end of his life. I was sitting in a chair next to him when he took his last breath. Tough? Yes it was tough but what was worse was watching this man full of life and personality be stuck in a hospital bed day in and day out telling us he was useless. God made that easier for us to let him go. There are days I miss him like crazy and days that I celebrate the wonderful life he and Mama provided for us.

If you are like me there are many men who have fit the “Father” category that have had an essential part in my life. My daddy’s friends treated me like their own and they still do! Since my diagnosis of Myasthenia Gravis my Daddy might not be here but MANY have filled that spot! Daddy’s best friend Billy comes to mind first. When I’m sick he and his wife Sonora are there. He has cried for me, prayed for me, worried about me, fussed at me and filled my daddy’s shoes. In fact, if he is reading this, he is more than likely teary- eyed and I will get a phone call.

Other men that don’t have to but choose to fill my daddy’s shoes are his brother Gene, his best friend Steve, my Uncle Ben, our friend Kenny, our Pastor Jerry, my brother Wyatt and my husband Tal. I might not talk to them everyday but I can’t get away with nothing! I know that all I have to do is call them and there they are, no questions. They keep check, take care, fuss over and keep me in line. The difference between them and daddy’s is that they do it gingerly. 😂😂😂 Tal is the only one that give me the head butting goat fight and maybe Wyatt occasionally. One of the last times my daddy was in the hospital he called me back into his room when Tal and I were leaving to say these exact words: “Did you know that you did a real good job finding someone just like me? Boy, Tal is just like me!” I laughed and replied “Yes sir, you have know idea!” Mama and I laugh a bunch of days because Tal feels like he has to keep up with the two of us! 😂😂 Good luck!

I have been so fortunate to have the love of a good father in my life time. For those of you that know, it is priceless. For those of you that haven’t experienced that yet, there is such a thing. Our Heavenly Father provides such a love for us that is unmatched by anything you or I have ever know and all you have to do is accept it. I never dreamed that I would lose my daddy at soon as I did but God has stepped in, showed up and showed out in ways that are indescribable and unimaginable. He has provided love and comfort when I needed it and He can provide for you too. While I miss my daddy I have peace in knowing he is waiting with my Heavenly Father on me one day. So this Father’s Day if you have your Dad present, hug him tight, tell him that you love him, put down your phone and spend time with him because we are never guaranteed tomorrow. Make those memories while you can.

To all of you dads; Happy Father’s Day!

Much love and thanks for reading! ~Melynda

Two years ago today my life changed in ways that I would never have imagined. I was sidelined with a diagnosis that has literally stopped me in my tracks on more than one occasion. Fifteen to be exact within those two years! It has been a whirlwind of a ride to say the least. My normal now involves a lot more time at home and a lot more rest than I used to need! Long gone are the days of staying up half the night cleaning out closets, painting rooms, installing floors or whatever else that needed to be done. Now my days are different than they used to be and for a long time I mourned the person I once was but today; well today is a different story.

Today I have a few things I’ve learned in the past two years that have kept me grounded and fighting each day. Here they are:

1. There is a God. He is real. He is on His Throne and He loves me. God has more elaborate plans for me. Several times I have come close to not being here. He obviously isn’t through with me yet! I can’t wait to see what’s ahead!

2. My bed feels so good! I have to rest there is no choice. I cannot function without it. I never realized how good a bed could feel but I love our bed! In the evenings I can be finishing up the dishes and ask Daisy (my dog) “Do you want to go get in the bed?” She spins in circles because she knows what’s coming! 😂😂 She is a little spoiled.

3. Family is everything! You cannot pick your family. They might tick my off but when it comes down to it mine are the best. They have stood by me on my good days and bad. We have laughed a lot, cried a little and fought this fight together!

4. Prayers have sustained me this far. I appreciate everyone of them. There have been times I have felt like someone has wrapped their arms around me and it’s usually when I’ve been struggling with something.

5. Prednisone is of the devil! Not only has it ballooned me up to look like the man in the moon it has caused me to become diabetic. A diagnosis I never wanted to get. Hopefully once I get off of it the diabetes will go away. I am currently trying to control it with diet. Call me out if I’m cheating! I will deserve it because my life depends on it!

6. Myasthenia Gravis is as complicated as they come. Nothing is ever the same twice and I have days when I still am not sure of what is going to happen. It proves exactly how intricate the human body was designed!

7. Rushing is not worth it. I cannot physically run or hurry myself. The more I try the more overworked the muscles get then the less they work. It’s a vicious cycle so I just stop and smell the roses. My dad used to say on the golf course take your time, feel the breeze, listen to the birds, smell the grass, relax, enjoy. I think of that a lot of days when I’m slow moving! I enjoy the slow pace that we tend to lose when we become adults.

8. Sit at the table for meals with the family. Soak in the laughter, smart comments, jokes and sheer delight on the faces of your loved ones. This makes me happier than most things because everyone I love is right there enjoying each other.

9. Don’t give in to the diagnosis. If I wanted I could file for disability and sit my butt at home everyday but what good would that do me? I want to serve a purpose and be around people. I want to live each day to the fullest. I might have this disease but it doesn’t have me!

10. Live each day like it is your last. It might be, we are never promised tomorrow. I make sure my folks know I love them because I do. Chances are I will tell you too because I do!

And last but not least…Do NOT fret over the small stuff. It doesn’t matter if my hair looks funny or I have to wear my coke bottle glasses. It doesn’t matter if my plates don’t match my cups. It doesn’t matter if the dog brought some dirt. In the grand scheme of things life is too short to let anything or anyone steal your joy! Be happy!

So as I think back in these last two years some may think it’s a curse but I consider it a blessing that I can focus more on God and less on this world! My relationship with God has become stronger that I ever dreamed. I’m still learning and growing but it’s closer to Him!

Have a great day! I know I am! 😘😘 ~ Melynda

I wanted to take a chance to reflect on 2018 and what it has brought me and my family.

Here are a few highlights:
JANUARY: Kathryn and Jaron celebrated 1 year of marriage! They made it through the hardest part but I honestly believe them moving to Charleston helped them form a bond that is much stronger. My mom also celebrated another birthday, we won’t discuss her age, lol.

FEBRUARY: This month brought tough issues, I had a reaction to my IVIG that I receive monthly and ended up spending a week at the AU Hilton in the Neuro ICU unit.  I can honestly say I thought I was going to die! It was rough but God was ever faithful and saw me through it.

MARCH: My brother and his children celebrated birthdays. My brother has Crohn’s disease and this year has been pretty tough for him. Yet again, God is faithful to

Tal and I celebrated 28 years of marriage. It’s been a long journey to this point in our marriage. Some days were longer. This morning I would like to tell you we are eating breakfast while on a romantic getaway but instead we are eating Lucky Charms and watching Wyatt Earp the old western. Times like this makes me feel like a kid again because my daddy watched westerns ALL THE TIME! Back to this year; we have celebrated a year of health With the exception of one hospital stay last February. Since then Dr. Pruitt has found the magic in treating this crazy disease. I have gone from 17 pills a day

This week has been one of horrific news everywhere I’ve turned: Mass shootings, car wrecks, indictments, attacks, a friend’s health news, loss and grief. It seems there is no good news to hear. And as if the news on social media is not bad enough the comments and attacks on each other is so much worse! What has happened to the world that I grew up in?

This week Tal’s Grandmother, our Big Mama would have celebrated her 96th birthday. She died two years ago and we often listened to the things that had happened in her lifetime. She witnessed many incredible things in her lifetime. She rode in horse and buggy as a child, washed cloths in wash tubs, picked cotton, lost two brothers, one as a child that was run over by a car & one to war. She witnessed many of America’s history. The shooting of a president, the Civil Rights movement, televisions in every home, man walking on the moon and so many other things. I cannot imagine what she would think of today’s world and how negative it has become.

The Bible tells us:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:1-2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I take that verse to heart. Sin is sin and I wallow in it everyday. Not intentionally mind you but I am human and a sinner. I saw a drawing one time that was a skyline with a row of buildings, some taller than others. It stated below that picture “how we see sin”. The next picture was a row of boxes, every one perfectly symmetrical; below that picture read “how God sees sin”. That really hit me hard, why should I think my sin is less than any other person’s sin? Do I have a better walk with God? I go to church every Sunday, shouldn’t that help? The answer kept pressing on my spirit that NOTHING anyone else does should matter to me and my walk with God. Yes I am a Christian, yes I read my Bible everyday and pray but when it all comes down to it I am a sinner. I daily have to ask for forgiveness from The Almighty God that I believe in. In the world’s standard sometimes my sin is small, my mouth says something rude that I shouldn’t have said but, in God’s eyes it’s the same as killing others. Oh how I wish people would think the same way! If an 18 year old committed murder or I snapped at my husband it is not for me to judge the 18 year old. God is the final judge not me. All of my judgement just breeds hate and this world has far too much of that lately.

So I am trying to pray for each person that I know is struggling especially since I struggle daily! Myasthenia Gravis is not a disease for the faint of heart! Some days I cannot do simple things I want to do but it does give me plenty of time to think and pray! If it’s taught me anything, MG has taught me to be still in the Lord and never give up hope!

My prayer is that people’s hearts change and turn back to God. He is the author and finisher of our lives. He is the beginning and the end. One day “every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!” (Philippians 2:10-11).

I challenge you to stop and think before saying or typing anything judgmental to put yourself in their place. Use that rule we all learned in kindergarten and treat each other they way we would want to be treated, maybe it will make a difference.

Thanks for reading! ~Melynda

I will not lie, have had a rough couple of weeks. Last week I found out at the very last minute that my insurance company had decided that it would not pay for the medication I take before my infusions monthly through the infusion pharmacy. They wanted to buy it through a retail pharmacy. I know that doesn’t sound too complicated, let the doctor call it in to a new place. Yeah, that didn’t work out after calling five local pharmacies they all said they could get it but when they got the prescription they said they could not.  Here is the catch, I use one bottle a month through my port, yes infused through my port. The medication comes in a box of TWENTY FIVE! So there was no actual “retail pharmacy” that would order this medication and take the chance of it expiring before I could use it.  So at first I cried because my infusion was the VERY NEXT DAY but then after selfishly crying I instead chose to cry out to Jesus! The Bible encourages us to pray. Psalm 55:17 states “Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry loud, And HE shall hear my voice.”  I also put it on Facebook for my family and friends to cry out on by behalf as well. I think The Lord hears all of our prayers and answers according to His will so I knew He would come through.  After lunch on Friday I had a solution in more ways that one.  TWO childhood friends reached out to me and not only did I find a pharmacy that will get me my medicine one month at the time but I also got a bottle couriered to me from the infusion pharmacy free of charge.  I am not certain how that second one got pulled off but she knows who she is and I am so very thankful!  My nurse was also having to drive from Atlanta in horrible rainy weather and prayers were lifted up for her as well. She made it safe and we rejoiced in the fact that God showed up and showed out. My infusion went as planned and great people made miracles happen through fervent prayer and service.

This week has not been so great, usually I pick right back up after my infusion but I have obviously come in contact with something that I am trying to fight.  I have been weak and had to go to bed by 6 every evening.  I have pretty much gotten dressed, worked all day and eaten my meals, nothing extra. I have had to rest after getting dressed each morning because of the weakness, it is crazy how the simplest things wear my body down. A little bit of rest and I seem to perk up to make it through the next step.  Yesterday was my sweet husband’s birthday and our daughter wanted us to all go out to eat for his birthday. We decided 6 pm so we wouldn’t be out too late. AS if Satan was on my heels, you guessed it, I was chatting and visiting with my children, Tal’s sister and her family, my mother in law and my mom. Suddenly I felt the tremendous weakness coming on. I can honestly say that my family is the best support system a girl could ask for. My husband, mom & mother in law picked up quick what was happening.  Everyone stood up, helped me get around a table, out the door and to the car.  They stayed and waiting for their food while Mama and I came home.  Once we got to the house we sat in the car because I could not use my legs at all. The only way I can describe it is this: Imagine wearing concrete boots with toothpick legs. It simply “ain’t” happening! I knew I would fall and hurt myself not to mention my mom. When I got in the car I crossed my legs and I sat like that until I had rested enough they would move again.  Once Tal got home he swept me off my feet and into the house.  I often describe this as a “sack of potatoes” sweeping off of the feet but this was more like “wedgie central”. HAHAHA! The easiest thing to hold on to was the waist of my pants. My pants didn’t bust and I got where I needed to so I am not fussing. We consider it Old Folks New Wave Dance! He must really love me to deal with all of this! When we took our marriage vows I think we both figured since I am a nurse I would be taking care of him. As I laid in bed last night initially I cried but it was directly to The Lord for his goodness and mercy. He gave me the best care givers a girl could want.  I am so thankful for them daily, even when I am cranky, short talking and down right rude, I hope they realize what they mean to me.

My morning devotion was focused around this scripture, Psalm 62. Here are some excerpts from it:

1 -Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. 2-Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

I encourage you to read the whole chapter. It reminds me that when my world seems dark and shaky. He is my fortress, my rock, my salvation, my strength and ALWAYS PRESENT HELP in times of trouble.  I don’t know if you have a need but I can promise you that if you trust in the One who created you He will meet your needs.

Thanks for reading! Much love ~ Melynda

There is a song titled “In Christ Alone”  the lyrics are:

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

The words have responded in my head today as I have mourned over the news of a dear friend’s death today. Rita Wengrow Hussey was one of a kind. I believe everyone in Lincoln County knew Rita and she knew everyone. Not one single time that I have seen her or talked to her did she not ask me about myself and my family, by name! How in the world she kept everyone straight I will never know! Lord knows I call my children by the wrong name much less keep everyone else straight. I cant even tell you how long I’ve known Rita, Tal & I will celebrate 28 years of marriage in a few weeks and I am guessing I’ve known her every bit of that. She left her sick earthly body for her heavenly home last night. When I found out this morning I cried; A big ugly cry. I selfishly didn’t want her to leave but I know her body couldn’t fight the cancer that had ravished it. I knew if I ever needed anything she would do it, if I needed to talk she would listen. The funny thing is I think many people in our tight knit little town felt the same way. What an impact to love so many but to be loved by them back. My heart aches for her family because that’s a void that can never be filled by another. I am going to miss her laugh, it would fill a room, especially if I said something about Tal aggravating me. I am going to miss her saying ”Hey are you doing?”

I have prayed for Rita and I know that in Christ Alone her hope was found. The thought of worshipping an Almight God face to face is hard for me to wrap my head around but  she started today! She is standing in the love of Christ!

Rita – Tal and I love you and we will miss you dearly. Until we meet again sweet friend ~ Melynda

My goodness I have been sad this holiday season. I have been missing my Dad, my father in law, my grandparents and all of my loved ones that I have lost in my life. Yesterday was my parents anniversary and I cried thinking about it. Mama & I got tears in our eyes while picking out pecans last week. My son had to have emergency surgery to keep his leg after a fall the day after Thanksgiving and is still on crutches. It’s been rough! I have been focused that my daddy should be here with his grandchildren giving gifts and making divinity. I haven’t even put up a Christmas tree, I haven’t done any baking and I have only bought a few gifts. But, this morning as I sat by the fire at our farm while doing my devotional God spoke.

My devotional was the story of Zechariah & Elizabeth in John 1. God sent word to Zechariah through the angel Gabriel that they would have a son. They would name him John who would become John the Baptist. Zechariah & Elizabeth were old and Zechariah questioned this news which caused him to be mute until the birth in which he rejoiced.

The devotional said this:

Dear friends, if you are struggling with disappointments and God seems far away, take heart. God has not forgotten you. He wants to give you his peace today. In his mercy and love God remembers each one of us. That’s the good news of Christmas: Jesus, who forgives our sins and brings us new life, has come! So let’s join with Zechariah and sing God’s praises today.

Yes, my toes hurt from that! Through this I realized That I have been choosing to be mute when I should be rejoicing LOUDLY! I realized I have been mourning the season instead of celebrating the greatest gift ever given; Jesus Christ as my Savior. Some might think it’s too late but today I start celebrating this precious gift. I might be fighting with myasthenia gravis while I put up a tree and bake but it will totally be worth the effort! The glow of a Christmas tree reminds me of the peace and tranquility of trusting in a Heavenly Father that never leaves me even when I feel alone and sad.

May your next week be filled with love, joy, peace and rejoicing over the birth of our Savior!

Merry Christmas Everyone! Thanks for reading ~Melynda

I’m trying to write this post and I am at a loss for what to say. This could go negative quickly and that is not my intent. This past week has been horrible on me physically and emotionally. I have not worked since February 26 and I cannot go back to work until after my follow up on March 23. Talk about not prepared. Ugh! I have fears and doubts but I know that God is Sovereign and He has me in the palm of His hand. He is completely in control; I know this because on Monday evening our world spun completely out of control.

I had not been feeling well and literally could not hold my head up for more than 10 minutes at the time. I also had the sensation that someone had their hands around my neck which made me short of breath. I took my IVIG treatment a week early which usually picks me back up but this time it did not. On Monday I had no choice but to go to the doctor. My Primary Care Doctor told me I needed to go the the ER at Augusta University which is the worst place on the planet to me. I have a friend that works there and I let him know I was coming so he could check in on me from time to time. I was short listed to the back in a room in the corner of the ER near a back door. All the doctors came in to see me and told me they were admitting me to Neuro ICU due to shortness of breath and my history of going downhill so fast. That was around 2:30 in the afternoon. We got there around 12:30. After we waited for a while I sent Tal home because I thought they would take care of me and I would be moved shortly. Wrong, absolutely the dumbest decision I have ever made in my life. I was left, checked on every hour or so in a room that was hot. Heat makes me wear down. I expressed to the nurse how hot I was and he opened the door to come back an hour later for me to only be able to utter help me. I was completely paralyzed and was struggling with everything I had to take a breath. That is the weird thing about this disease, the more you use the muscles the weaker they become so when you start out short of breath the ability to inhale gets harder with each breath. I bet right now you have taken 10-12 breathes that you haven’t even had to think about. There are days when I have to coach myself so that I am breathing steady and slow. It’s horrible.

So back to the story; Tal home; Mama home; everyone is at home. My nurse was very nice but obviously didn’t understand when I said help me that I truly needed it. He came in and out, fiddled with the computer, tried to get some medications together that were ordered, didn’t have much communication with me because I couldn’t communicate. When my friend came to check on me he realized that something wasn’t right and I needed assistance immediately. He stayed with me held my hand and told me he was there. I remember his coming at me with his knuckles on my sternum to try to get me to respond to which I simply didn’t do very well. My mind is still great, I thought to myself geeesh, this is fixing to hurt and it did but my body barely moved. Tears are the only thing that functions and they flow freely down my cheeks because I am terrified of what is happening to me. I remember hearing “what’s wrong with her”. Someone says she has a “history of myasthenia gravis” to which the reply was “I’ve not really dealt with that before”. Let me tell you as a patient those are the LAST words you want to hear when your life is on the line. I hear talking and commotion. They tell me they are going to intubated me. They tell me that I’m going to go to sleep. I wish I had stayed asleep. I awoke to people running around sticking me and talking about needing the ultra sound machine to get an IV, stripping my clothes off and all while I felt trapped inside a coffin unable to move or speak. I was not breathing myself so I feel like I was on the ventilator at this point. I remember hearing my brother’s exact words “Oh my God, she looks like my dad!” Daddy spent the last month of his life off and on a ventilator and I now know why he said no more. It’s awful. I remember praying and telling God whatever he has planned for me to keep my family safe. I prayed for Tal, Kathryn, Jaron, Adam, Mama and Marie. That they would be ok if I went home with Jesus. I asked The Lord to give them comfort and sang “There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain, break every chain, break…every…chain…

The next day around lunch I woke up to the best sight! I saw Jamie, one of the Nurse Practitioners from Neuro ICU smiling at me. It was the best smile ever; he has one of those smiles that lights up his whole face. I was unclear of what was going on or how long I had been out but I was alive. Dr. Garcia and the Neuro ICU team came around and he told me good news and bad news. “My dear friend” he started “we have to make sure you can breath on your own before we can remove the tube”. I can be an anxious person and let me tell you my anxiety was on high alert. I had my phone and text them asked if they could give me something to calm me. I was hot and felt like I was buried in a box with just my head out. He told me he would return around 4:30 to which my restrained hands did the two finger my eyes to his eyes. He laughed and promised me he would be back.

The next few hours were tough. Tal had gone home to get sleep when Mama got back up there. Our preacher and his wife came and I text my Mama and asked her to tell him to pray for my anxiety that I would lay there restrained with these tubes in my throat and be comfortable until the time was up. When Jerry & Debra walked in the immediately prayed. They stayed there with me and my mom until this whole ordeal was over. The nurse I had was fabulous I’m not sure she knew how to take me. She asked my mama if I was chatty and I am pretty sure you know what Mama’s response was. Ha!

Dr. Garcia didn’t fail me, he came back before the given time. Y’all I am not lying when I say those were the longest couple of hours in my life and the hardest I had ever worked to remain calm and composed. I prayed for strength and The Lord came through once again! He is ever faithful and I cannot express that enough. It’s why I am struggling with worry and fear about stuff I cannot control. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He will provide for us. It makes me mad at myself for feeling like this.

My doctor intentionally kept me out of work because he says I push myself too much. I do, I want to be the best wife, mom, daughter, co-worker, niece, cousin, friend, etc that I can be but I have got to change that focus. I have two and half weeks to work on changing that mindset. I want to be the best follower of Christ I can be. I want to serve THE Risen Savior. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus while I am still on this earth. I want to practice what I plan to do for eternity…worship an Almighty God!

Please continue to pray for me and my family. As much as I went through they had to see me like that: helpless, lifeless and unresponsive. I know God’s plan is greater than my dreams I just hope I am smart enough to realize the path He has set and follow it obediently even when I think I know best.

Thanks for reading. Thank you for your prayers. I apologize in advance for grammatical errors, it’s 2am and Kathryn is asleep. She is sure to point them out to me later. Haha!

Much love ~ Melynda

After being in the hospital I came across this picture of me that was sent in a text message to Tal. I don’t know who took it or how it was sent to my husband but if this is not the perfect picture of me and my relationship with God I don’t know what is! I am not perfect. Let me repeat: I 👏🏻 AM 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 PERFECT 👏🏻! I struggle with my flesh just like everyone else! I choose to ask Him to forgive me while I keep learning and growing as best as I can. Have I achieved my goal? No and I cannot ever achieve my goal while on this earth but, I can strive to get closer to the mark and finish the best I can through daily time in the Bible and prayer. What better way to get to know someone than a daily intentional conversation?

Now back to the picture. Pretend that phone is what I am struggling with for instance I will use Myasthenia Gravis. I give it to God for His help and healing. I do good for a while and then where is my problem? Back with me trying to fix it. Ugh! The struggle is real! It seems I do this with everything! Evidently I am a slow learner because, I’m going on four years of foolishness just with Myasthenia Gravis. Worry is one I think I have racked up about 50 years worth of. I know I am not the only one that struggles with things. I just wanted to put that out there that I struggle too. My sin is not any worse than yours. God doesn’t see sin as different it’s all the same and it ALL separates us from Him unless we ask forgiveness and learn from it.

Tal and I have been able to have candid conversations about some things that I am struggling with and I have had to confess that I do struggle with worry and fear at times but I know God is in control and He has a plan. A plan I want to stick to and see unfold! He has proven time and time again that He can pull me through.

While the picture is not a glamour shot, it shows the struggle of life. You see I am hooked up to a ventilator but, I was breathing on my own. There are restraints on my wrists that were loosened so I could text what I needed and more than likely my eyes were closed in prayer. The battle I was facing was three hours of being hooked up to all of that while trying to stay calm, breathe normally and stay calm. Yes! I know I repeated myself; you try staying calm while totally alert with all of that in your throat! 😫 The reward was getting all of that junk out and being able to go home after some rehab and safety checks. What I didn’t know then? The Corona virus would hit that hospital within a couple of weeks of me being there. How is that for protection? Only God can give you that much protection, that much peace and that much comfort! His plan is always far greater that what we deserve! He also placed a wonderful group of doctors, nurses and other staff to brighten my day while I was there. But let’s not forget – the phone still represented the Myasthenia Gravis fight I so desperately wanted to win on my own. So I am praying and asking God to help while still holding on to the problem. 🙄 How is that for messed up? I know God rolls his eyes at me (a lot), probably just like my parents did when I was a teenager.

When I came home from the hospital I felt pressed to pray for people because there were so many that prayed for me during that hospital stay and it worked! I am still here and I have a purpose! On a Facebook post I asked if I could pray for anyone and currently I have a two page list of names of people who reached out to me; some are specific prayers and some are in general. You see, now is the time we need to be praying for each other, praying over our country and it’s leaders. We are at war with a unknown enemy and if this is when I see Jesus I am going out fighting!

May God give you the strength, peace and protection that you need in the days ahead. If you want to be added to my prayer list, please message me, I would be glad to pray for you.

Much love and may God bless you! ~Melynda