When you can’t speak…

This past week has been one of frustration, tears & just simply asking The Lord to bless those who are caring for me. I am sad. I hate this disease but I know that God has a plan. I know that his plan when it unfolds will be better than my wildest dreams but I am completely frustrated in my flesh. I just spent 5 days in the hospital in a room with a toilet that comes out from under the sink, no hot water and no place for my family to come visit comfortably. Five lonely days with a tv, iPad & iPhone. The phone would have been great if I could have talked to people but my voice & my breathe that is what was effected. Yes, for those of you that know how much I like to talk, I couldn’t.  As if getting short of breath in my car by myself on my way to work and having to turn around to try to get to an area that I could tell 911 where I was at if I stopped breathing wasn’t enough. I was in the hospital and couldn’t breathe, couldn’t mash the nurse call and was struggling to breath in an ICU unit. I was trying to make eye contact with one of the nurses buzzing around to let them know I couldn’t breathe or move. Finally, it seemed like forever but I know it wasn’t, a nurse looked at me and I had enough energy to mouth out – I can’t breathe. She had a perplexed look and came to the bedside and asked “what’s wrong?”  I opened my mouth to garbled gibberish. She instantly called for help. What if I was in my car? What if 911 heard that? What if the police thought I was drunk? I would NOT be here typing this now that’s for sure. I have cried a lot this week because of those what ifs. God’s plan is far greater. 

Here’s the rest of the story, about 2 minutes after the nurses started scrambling my mama and her sister walk up. I sureLy hated scaring my mama but she & my Aunt Mary were my voice when I didn’t have one. They were able to tell the nurses what was going on, all of my history and keep me off of a ventilator. One of the doctors came to the bedside and started asking me questions. I could see the “Peggy Jean” popping out of my Mama. She was letting it roll. All I could do was let my tears roll to let them know I was scared and worn out. The nurses were wonderful and did their job. The respiratory therapists were great also. They put me on the bipap machine that forces air into your lungs to make you breathe. Once they started that I was able to just surrender and sleep knowing I would be ok. Who lives like that? It stinks to feel that way. The whole time in my mind I ask The Lord to forgive me where I have failed him and to bless those taking care of me. I want to be around to see both of my children grown, I want to be around to see my grandchildren. I want to grow old with my husband like we planned. Long story short, God has plans for us & it doesn’t matter what we have planned.  His plan is always better than ours. This by far has been the hardest blog post to write because I have struggled with how to be positive when actually I am scared and I am sad. I am fighting a battle that this week I feel like I am not prepared for. I am struggling. I am cranky. I don’t know what to do. I had a new port put in and I am very sore so I have a hard time getting comfortable. I didn’t let anyone really know I was in the hospital because I hate the thought of anyone seeing me this way but guess what it’s real, I’m real, I’m perfectly imperfect just like God my creator made me. I felt like you needed to read about the bad as well as the good. We all have down times.  I have missed my family, my work family, my church family, my puppy – 5 days of life passed by without me:  Five days I can’t get back. I really shouldn’t look at it that way but I have. As the kids say, the struggle is real. 

No matter what you are going through, we all have struggles. Some are worse than others but at the time in our lives, OUR struggles seem the worse. Here’s some advice I’m need to take myself – GIVE IT TO GOD COMPLETELY! That’s my problem right there, the very last word – completely. I obviously haven’t given it to Him and let Him be my focus. I have let Myasthenia Gravis be my focus. Today is a new day, it’s Sunday and I cannot wait for church. I need renewal in The Word. Our pastor tends to know just what I need to hear and I’m excited about today. Today, I am Melynda Poss, child of The One True King, not sufferer of Myasthenia Gravis. 

My apologies on being negative at first but it’s the real me. A lor of times, no actually every time someone asks I say “I’m ok” even when I’m not.  God gave me this platform to inspire. How can you inspire if you can’t live it out fully? Like I said previously, I’m perfectly imperfect just the way God made me. The hymn that is currently running through my head is a hard one to live out but starting today I am going to try no matter what the consequences. That hymn goes like this: All to Jesus I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him. In His presence daily live. I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Thee my Blessed Savior, I surrender all. 

Thank you for reading. ~Melynda

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Take the World, But Give Me Jesus…

This hymn was written in 1926 by Fannie J. Crosby and the lyrics ring true today 91 years later. The first verse goes; Take the world, but give me Jesus, all it’s joys are but a name; but His love abideth ever, through eternal years the same. 

As a Christian in today’s society it is spiritually hard to watch t.v., be on social media, listen to secular radio, etc.  We are bombarded with hate, anger, lies and despair and I struggle by letting this “get to me” causing anxiety and frustration. Guess what? Someone with Myasthenia Gravis does not need to do that because it causes flair ups and with that my body is not dependable and I am no good for anyone. God has been pressing on me through family, friends and His still small voice to be a Disney princess and let it go. In fact it’s my Mama’s catch phrase. So I’m trying to learn to let go of the hate that has been shown recently that truly bothers me. This hate has not been shown to me personally, but revealed through social media where be it the news, Facebook, twitter or whatever; it is robbing me of my joy! I refuse to let anything steal my joy. Each day with my family is a gift I intend on enjoying with each breath God gives me. We are never promised tomorrow &  I could die today but I will die rejoicing in the fact that I know Jesus personally! So with that being said I want to touch on a couple of things that God is pressing on me about. 

First, as I sit here drinking my coffee that my $200 Keurig coffee system brewed, typing on my $500 iPad; I have no reason to spew hate about anything. It’s pouring down rain and 5:30am; I am dry, warm and have light to see by. I am a lucky lady. I have many things some people don’t and I don’t have some things other people do. Doesn’t matter to me; it’s just stuff and I have been given way more than I deserve. I live VERY comfortably. Now, I have a second cousin that is 22 years old that has packed up her essentials and moved across the world following God’s call to be a missionary. She is currently in Cambodia and living without family to heed her calling from God. She is far braver than I could ever be, I am proud of her and find strength in her desire to please the Lord. I pray for her and her safety. Please add her to your prayer list, her name is Kristie. Since she has been gone she has lost her grandfather and I know she has to be aching for that loss with no one to physically provide comfort. Peace, direction & safety are my prayers. She is having to learn a new language, culture and a new way of life & here I sit comfortably. Take the world, but give me Jesus has a whole different meaning for Kristie.  She’s ALL in! I desire to be ALL in but I struggle and it is a really hard struggle some days. I am a spoiled brat because I have too many things I am dependent on. I plan to simplify my life this year. Get rid of things that have me tied down and dependent. I can’t take it with me when I die! Heaven has every thing I need! 

Today starts the second day of a new president in office and the news, social media & what people are saying makes me physically sick. Everyone has an opinion and that’s fine but my goodness do we have to be so ugly about it. This campaigning, election & swearing in processes have been the most hateful by far. I chose to get on my knees and pray for the election, not a candidate. I asked God to heal our land because look at it, IT IS BROKEN! He is the only one that can fix it. I do not support the people that are marching, rioting, picketing or sitting in the name of their cause. Why you ask? What good is it doing? We have elected officials in office that we voted for. WRITE them; CALL them; EMAIL them; they make the change! Smashing a window, blocking traffic and  spewing hatred does nothing but cause conflict. These officials make the change and they have to hear from you the voter. Pray about your cause, ask God for discernment. Then write a letter and before you send it please let someone proof read it so that you make your point. I am the world’s besr proofreader after I send something then I want to smack myself. 😳🙄😂 When you take the time to write the letter and mail it it shows that you actually care about what you are fighting for. You took the time to make a clear level headed point not one in anger and hate. Then you go out into YOUR community and talk with others, get them to do the same. This brings on change not what’s happening now! I challenge you to pray for our new President. He said that the government is going back to the people so, WE THE PEOPLE have to go through the proper channels to make known our feelings. It’s obvious that the Peresident doesn’t trust the media and rightfully so! I don’t trust the media for the truth either. Let your voice be heard through the proper channels. I promise if you take a few days to pray over something before you go spouting off at the mouth it will be a easier pill for people to swallow. I am the queen of spouting off at the mouth so I’ve learned this lesson the hard way! I also challenge you to pray for our elected officials: city, county, state & federal. They are human and make mistakes too. They need our prayers! That is as political as I’m going to get! 

Lastly, I wanted to fill you in on me and my battle with MG. I have several things going on. I have a port that according to X-rays has migrated down 2.5cm and is near my heart wall. It will stimulate my heart causing me to go into what called Super Ventricual Tachycardia or SVT. This makes my heart race and I feel like I am running a marathon. My Fitbit calls it “fat burn” and how I wish that were true! My heart rate will get anywhere between 100 to 190. It makes me feel horrible and causes me to be short of breath. Then as I am panting for air, which is repetitive muscle movement for my diaphrapm, it causes the MG to kick in and I feel like a gerbil on a wheel going no where. I went to the Cardiologidt this past week & he wants to do a procedure called an ablation to kill of the electrical node in my heart that is causing the rapid heart rate. However, nursing knowledge tells me; that’s a permanent thing and I still have this port that can keep stimulating the heart. I WANT this port out FIRST!  The referral is in and I have heard nothing from the vascular surgery people since January 9th when the referral was put in. Frustrated doesn’t describe how I feel but I know God has His hand in this whole process. I need to learn patience and understanding – obviously I’m not a fast learner on this! I need to feel settled in my spirit before I go having a permanent procedure done to my heart. The doctor described the port as a switch that keeps turning on this electrical node. Common sense to me is remove the switch! Right? Yeah, pray for this process please! Pray for my family as they are having to do everything because I physically cannot. I am working everyday, but I cannot drive. I mean would you want me on the road and my heart rate shoot up? I get dizzy and faint and could wreck; so for now my Mama drives me. If my heart weren’t the issue I feel strong enough each afternoon to drive. I do feel like the medicines are being effective and helping me to gain my strength daily as far as the MG is concerned. If it ain’t one thing it’s ten! 

One more confession. The other night on facebook I posted about not realizing how sick I look. I have a confession to make; we got the wedding picture back and I didn’t even recognize myself. Yes, I look in the mirror daily to brush my hair and all but through this disease I have lost my smile (not to mention he 40 pounds I’ve gained). People used to tell me I smiled all the time and I simply cannot. My muscles don’t work like they once did. My children have asked me multiple times if I was mad about something and I didn’t understand what they meant – until I saw the pictures. It made me very upset to see that while others were smiling and joyful – I looked mad. When in reality I was VERY happy for Kathryn and Jaron. Their love for each other was so obvious to me that day. The wedding was everything I dreamed and more. They were both pleased by it and all of the guests seemed to have a good time. My vanity robbed me of my joy – how stupid of me! As my coworkers said you were there, you could have not been and that would have been much worse! How true! Forgive me for my wallowing in self pity. Here are two pictures one that I snagged off of snap chat (Thanks Devante!) and one that my son took. I cut my phone off that day so I could live in the moment! And boy was it worth living in the moment! 

This is Kathryn & Jaron right before cutting the cake.

This is Adam and his sweet girlfriend Isabelle:

As I close this blog post I want to share the last verse of the song with you: 

Take the world, but give me Jesus; In His cross my trust shall be,  Till, with clearer, brighter vision, Face to face my Lord I see. Oh, the height and depth of mercy! Oh, the length and breadth of love! Oh, the fullness of redemption, pledge of endless life above! 

Thank you so much for your prayers, encouragement and support! There are not descriptive enough words to let you know how much they mean to me. I love each and every one of you! ~ Melynda 

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Confessions of the Mother of the Bride…

So if you haven’t read my blog, seen my Facebook, instagram, Snapchat or heard me you would never know my ONLY daughter got married last night. If you fit in that category, Hello! I’m Melynda. I have Myasthenia Gravis and this is my blog that I write to share my thought and opinions. I’m not anyone special, just a wife, mother & Christian. Do I get it right all the time? Do I have my act together? Do I know what I’m doing? Heck NO! That would require me to be perfect or close and this chick is flawed! So if your still reading, welcome! 😁

Ok, so it’s 4:30 in the morning after my daughter’s wedding and all of these things are popping in my head. Things I feel I need to share for all the other mothers out there planning weddings for the first time. 

1. Stress will eat you up and spit you out even if you don’t have MG! Add MG to the mix and that has equaled 6 ICU visits within the last 7 months. Sweet mercy, I know the staff at AU Healthcare 3 West Neuro ICU let out a sigh of relief tonight that I didn’t show up!  They have become my second family! So my advice which is hard for me to take is don’t sweat the small stuff the day of the wedding. We had a schedule &  a wedding coordinator – remove your watch, cut off your cell phone and simply enjoy the day. You should hire a photographer let them take the pictures. Soak up these memories in person!  

2. You cannot prepare for everything so do the best you can. Yep, it’s hard advice to take too! Make lists, check them twice and start packing and labeling things the week before. 

3. Hire a good caterer. I know a guy if you need him –  Cal Berry. He pays attention to detail and is simply the best. I’m surprised his webpage isn’t thabomb.com. He saw my vision and made it better than I could have dreamed. My daughter did very little to plan her wedding so I hope she liked it! 

4. Hire a wedding director. I have a friend I work with at one of the local funeral home. Murray is the cream of the crop! He can get people where they need to be and things rolling along so you don’t have to worry about it. Trust me I laughed with him & cried with him tonight he help make things run smoothly and if they didn’t I surely didn’t know about it! 

5.  In Lincoln County, GA we all have multiple jobs. I’m a nurse, lead the music at church & help out at the funeral home but only with computer stuff. You know as a nurse you take care of the living, let’s just say the living I’m taking care of is the funeral home owner that’s a little technically challenged. (His wife is probably giggling and he is probably rolling his eyes right now! 😂😂) 

This leads me to my next thing. Our county coroner/retired school teacher/undertaker/preacher married our daughter. Yep, he has a bunch of titles! Kathryn wanted Mr. Paul Reviere (actual name BTW) to marry them. When she asked him her words were: “Mr. Reviere, I want you to marry me.” His response, “Kathryn I have a wife.” We were at the funeral home at the time and couldn’t help but laugh! He agreed and married them. He has always called Kathryn “Little Nurse” so before the ceremony he told her that if we would have had a rehearsal that he would have pronounced them Mr. & Mrs. Little Nurse. We all giggled. Then he went to her Maid of Honor, gave her the ring told her what to do followed by if you drop it, don’t bend over. I will say a prayer until you find it. When you do pull on my pants leg, stand up and I will say Amen! Morgan’s response was giggling and “He knew I’d need a back up plan!” When she passed the ring she looked directly at me and I smiled real big and gave her two thumbs up!! Mr. Reviere has known these girls all their life and it really made it extra special for all of them!! 

6. Expect the unexpected! We were suppose to have Snowpocolyps on the wedding day. It amounted to 20 flakes. We thought it would keep people away but it didn’t. Packed house! Kathryn fretted over this the night before. She even said “Mama I am scared no one will show up.”  I told her she couldn’t control that and it would be ok – as I worried about the same thing. When we got ready to enter there was a line waiting to be seated! Kathryn’s bridesmaids relayed the message of the church being full to which she replied “I didn’t think that many people liked me.”  Her maid of honor responded “Me either!”  Lots of giggling ensued. Laughter is always the best medicine especially when things are stressful! 

7.  Pamper yourself. Take the time to just do it. I had nails, hair & makeup done. It was super easy on me I just showed up!! I loved my hair & nails. Make up was ok. I do not ever pencil in my eyebrows and felt like I had these caterpillars tattooed on my head! NOT. A. FAN! So you might want to go for a trial run. It took about 3 hours to get use to the fake eyelashes too. So there was a time I felt like I had two sets of caterpillars. Just my advice! 

8. The cake – wedding cakes are expensive! Take the time to choose the right person. I have a friend who does them. She graduated with my brother & she amazes me with her creations! Diana takes the time to get to know about the couple. She prays for them and then she puts her heart & soul into her cakes. They are simply beautiful and delicious. When we got home my husband said (as we are laying in bed)  “You want another piece of cake?”  I laughed! We were too lazy to go cut a slice so we will partake in the morning! It was a stunning cake I will not lie! It was delicious too!! 

9.  Let folks help you out. A lot of people offered their help to me since I have been sick. I honestly have a hard time asking for help and since getting sick I can’t do a lot of things I used to. This brings me to my next set of folks. Have key people to just be there for you. My cousin Gina (who is 9 months & 1 day younger than me) is like my sister. She told me she was coming to help. I am so glad she did! She picked up the sandwich tray for the girls, she helped me & Mama get dressed. She ran errands if I needed them. She was a God send! Another friend who’s daughter is getting married offered to have her hand ready to slap Kathryn if she started being a bridezilla. Suzanne had the slapping hand ready but didn’t need it. I’m still giggling about it!  My co-workers came and they were my monitors. Alice instantly picked up on when I felt bad. When I sat down she was right there asking me what was wrong. I had taken off my Fitbit prior to the service and skipped a dose of medicine. When my speech started slurring I realized it. She stayed with me followed by my two nurses Danielle & Donna while my sister in law, Jenni went to find my meds. Tal instantly knew something was up and followed Jenni to search for my meds. Jenni also fixed me food. People like this are priceless to have. I knew when I needed something for myself it would happen. Plus, I think it gave Tal some relief to know I would be ok. We had made a back up plan if I were to crash at or before the wedding. It ensured the wedding would still go on and my folks would take care of me. I have the best friends and family! 

10.  When we started this process I decided to use the model I was given by my parents.  Jaron & Kathryn are marrying period. I wanted to make sure that they had the best chance at making this work by working together as a team with his parents! After all they will be the other parents to Kathryn & grandparents to my grand children! I’ve never done this before so I simply told Nancy how I felt. She felt the same way! Let me tell you that I just got an entire set of family that I adore! Most of them I just met on Friday and I can’t wait until we get together again! I am thrilled that Kathryn married into such a wonderful family. The rehearsal dinner was laid back, cozy and allowed us old folks time to chat!! What’s funny is most of them live in Connecticut and here we are in Georgia. I was afraid they would be overwhelmed by our “county” – they embraced it!  I’m excited for this new chapter in our lives too! Some of them I didn’t get to say goodbye to tonight but I will see them again! On a side note: Nancy planned her stuff from out of town not to mention they had hurricane damage to their home during this process! She amazed me with her mad skills! 

11. Kathryn is very sentimental. Most people may not know that about her. She wanted to have things at the wedding that were heirlooms. So here are the things if you attended you might not have known. Her veil was MY veil. I had a moment when I realized the last time that veil was on a bride it was me and my daddy was walking me down the aisle. He died in 2015 so it was very emotional for me. She carried a handkerchief that Tal’s grandmother made with tatten made by her mother. Tal’s grandmother is 93 and was not able to attend so having a little piece of her there was so special. The silver goblets they toasted with belonged to Jaron’s parents, Nancy’s father was a silversmith and hand made them for their wedding day. They were stunning! I’m so thankful she included these things in the wedding! It made it extra special. She also danced with her dad to a song “The Best Day”  by Taylor Swift.  She cried when they danced. Tal told me because it reminded her of his Dad. I think both her Grandpas were brightly smiling from heaven tonight. 

Now on a lighter note:

1. Tal walked me down the aisle. Did I mention I have Myasthenia Gravis? Did I mention I was in a formal dress & heels? That was my goals to be at the wedding and walk down the aisle. Tal is 6′ 3″ tall and he literally drug me down the aisle. I made people giggle when I said through my smiling teeth “slow down”. When we got home he ask if he was I really walking too fast? I just looked at him in disbelief. I asked him if he knew how close I was to falling over. I mean it’s not hard to state the obvious when they are two steps in front of you dragging you. 🙄 

2. Best feeling ever…taking out my contacts and washing my face. Have mercy at the make up I had on. I wasn’t sure how to get the eyelashes off but enough scrubbing they just came right off. Greatest feeling ever! Oh I removed the other caterpillars too! That really took some scrubbing! 

3. You probably want to know why I’m up at this hour. Leg cramps! Horrific, deep leg cramps that woke me up with pain. The only thing I can do is try standing and walk them out. If that doesn’t work a good epsom salt soak helps. So I got in a warm bath only to bring me to my next advice. WASH your hair before you go to bed. We got home at 11pm and I washed my face and laid down. I was exhausted. Well after about 15 minutes relaxing in the tub I realized the can of root pump and 2 cans of hair spray had me glued to the tub wall. Have mercy! I had to use my toes to cut the shower on to unglue me! It was comical and I was trying not to wake my husband. Well, the great gasp I let out when the cold shower water hit me the face remedied that! He woke up only to realize I was ok and then went right back  to sleeping. So take 10 minutes to wash that hair! You can thank me later! 😂
I can honestly say the wedding was perfect! Every single bit! I am certainly glad it’s over!  I wish I could have spoken with everyone there. I tried my best but it was packed. Our baby is married to the man of her dreams. I have gained a son and whole new family. I can take today to rest up, before going back to work on Monday…Life is good! 

Thanks for reading! ~ Melynda

P.S. Kathryn & Jaron if you happen to be reading this – Adam said y’all owe him big time! Hahahaha! He will be collecting! He has toted stuff & not complained one bit. So I decided that y’all can be His help with prom decorating. That sounds fair right? It’s just one weekend! 😂😂😂 I forgot Cash probably feels the same way. While y’all were honeymooners they had to pack up all the stuff at Sacred Heart to get it home then unpack it once we got here. There is no telling what he’s expecting as payback!  😂😂😂

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Let The Wedding Festivities Begin..

Since June 22, 2016 when my life was sidelined by a heinous disease called Myasthenia Gravis I have continued to plan a wedding for my daughter. She is my only daughter and when she got engaged I told her I wanted to be the mother of the bride. Looking back I should have said nothing and let her do her thing instead, I have been planning the wedding of her dreams…I hope. She has not been vocal on decisions and told me she trusted me. Well the day is here and I hope she likes it! 😂

Our theme is how I think of her; simple, classic, southern elegance. After all we live in Georgia, her father & I raised her and her brother Adam in a home halfway between the areas we grew up. We don’t travel, we stay close to the house when we are off so simple and southern we have down pat!  One of my coworkers got me a calendar for my desk titled “Butter my butt and call me a biscuit” she makes me read the country saying for her and giggles. Heck we all do because some of them I DO say!  I love working with people from all over the world. It gives me great perspective on my little corner of it!!

Anyway, back to the wedding. I am excited it is here, I am excited to be expanding our family but most of all I think I will be excited when it is over. I am ready for miraculous healing in the name of Jesus over this dread disease!! Stress causes setbacks with MG and boy have I had them. No more I say!! Let’s get this party started!

As I type this it’s Thursday night, I’m washing clothes, trying to get our bags packed so I am not rushed tomorrow morning. I’ve prepared what I have to do and am looking forward to meshing the Bergeron & Poss families. I feel like I am gaining a sister and a brother! Jaron’s parents are delightful! His mother, Nancy makes me feel like I’ve known her forever and we just met last year! His dad Michael is quiet but, has a great sense of humor which fits along with us because we love to laugh. Nancy & I also love to talk! 😂😂😂 She knows I’m right!  I distinctly remember sitting on the sofa in our living room the first time Jaron’s name came up. Kathryn has been going out with different people. She has been in a long term relationship that just simply didn’t work out. Her cell phone rang and her little brother snatched  it up and ran through the house saying (in his best southern voice of course) “Who is Jay – Ron?” When you say that you have to add syllables to the Jay & the Ron to make it sound like it did that night and Adam still calls him that! When Kathryn beat him down and finally got the phone she talked to the voice on the other end for a while. He was in Las Vegas with friends and thought enough of her to call. My first thought was “Wow! Who is smitten more?”  When Kathryn returned to the living room I simply asked who that was and the smile on her face said it all.  Game changer!!! Then came the day Jaron came to our house for the first time. He made the most remarkable impression on a Mama by spending time with Adam. No one has even spent time with Adam when they came to house the first time.  He acted like he was home. Jaron & Adam went outside to kick a soccer ball around and Adam liked him from the start!! Adam is a hard one to impress too. He is like a dog, this is his territory, this is his sister: he is a “You don’t mess with her but I can” kind of brother!

Things quickly became serious between Kathryn & Jaron. Jaron has said he knew when he dropped Kathryn off after their first lunch date that she was who he had been looking for. Then, he follows it up with; but she went out with someone else the next day! 😂😂 “I knew and she had to think about it!” he has said. Jaron, she knew – she was just following an agreement made before she spent time with you! I can’t wait to have you as my new son, I already feel that way about you so, we are just making it official. I made a video with a song that reminds me of you; May you always be humble and kind. I couldn’t have picked a better person to marry my daughter. Tal & I love you, we are proud of you and we will always be here for you. Thank you for simply being you!!

Now it is my turn for Kathryn. She came into our lives like a angel in pink. A head full of curly brown hair with the biggest brown eyes we had ever seen. I remember the day she was born, we could not believe all the hair she had on her head & the fact it was curly. I have zero curl in my head and by zero it could be on the negative side of zero!!  She was perfection at its finest. At that time Kathryn was the second best thing I had done in my life; marrying her daddy was the first! As she grew I knew she was smart as a whip. Some kids you never remember them not doing something. Kathryn’s ability to talk was incredible! She went from Dada, Mama to “hey mama turn on that light”! She could recognize letters of the alphabet and say a word the letter started with at 13 months. Yes I said that right 13 months! She was fully potty trained at 18 months and her third Christmas at 2 1/2 she read a book to my family at the Fuller Family Christmas. I remember my cousin Michael saying she is smarter than me! She had the sweetest little accent. She would say squ-ER-Yul & Gu-ER-Yul instead of squirrel & girl. She hated the outdoors but loved some plastic high heels! I can’t tell you how many pairs she had but this chick would dress in them to go with me to the grocery store along with beads! She is still that way! She will jog in pearls! 😂😂 Kathryn is very goal oriented and when Jaron asked her to marry him she said “yes” followed by but we can’t get married until I finish college and get a job. Guess what? She has done it. She teaches school at Grovetown Middle and I am so proud of her. She is our doodle bug! She will always and forever be My Little Girl!!

As for the two of them I have some advice. Of course the old staple; never go to bed angry. It steals your joy, robs you of the happiness you have right now! Don’t let that happen, it’s a waste of time and energy! Second, do not do anything the first year of marriage you don’t plan on doing the rest of your life. My Grandma Fuller gave me this advice. Well, I didn’t understand it until about 5 years into our marriage. Let’s just say I have a spoiled husband that has had a tough time adjusting to the fact that he now has to do stuff! And the last piece of advice I have is let God be the center of this marriage. If God is the center than the two of you are no better than the other. You are equally partnered to love each other, raise a family and Glorify God. Only He can give you the peace that surpasses all understanding. I wish I had understood that sooner too. With God as the center you will be grounded and your children will be grounded. The world might seem strange but together you can conquer it. I have prayed for you and continue to pray for you daily. My prayers have included that the relationship dissolve if it is not God’s will. You two have withstood those prayers and I wish you all the happiness in the world – together. May you always be “late to the party” – happily together.

P.S. When this publishes to my blog, we will be gathering as two families for your rehearsal dinner. I can’t wait to see what life has in store for y’all. It will be fun to sit back and watch. I love you both!!

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When You Don’t Know How To Care Of Yourself…

This blog post is dedicated to all the hard working staff I call my hospital family at Augusta University Medial Center 3West Neuro ICU. 

Let me start with this: I’m currently in the hospital again, the second time this month. Stress is a literal game changer for someone with Myasthenia Gravis and being the perfectionist I am means I have been in overdrive! It took my hospital family having an intervention to make me realize I am killing my self over a wedding.  I have tried to dole out duties and let someone else do them but when they are not done in a timely manner I have panicked! With than being said I’m trying to learn how to take care of me. That is not an easy thing because God made me to be the care giver. Tal fussed at me today and called me “Charles Fuller”  because I won’t let folks know how I really feel – “Hard headed just like your daddy”. Touche’ I admit it – I am hard headed. 

Thankfully this hospital stay has brought a few more things to light. An episode yesterday of tachycardia that lasted about 3 hours was an eye opener! A heart rate of 160-170 will wear you out! I sweat like a marathon runner and was congratulated by my Fitbit on burning 2500 calories during my “cardio workout”. Let’s just say that I hate a gym but I hated that “cardio workout” even more!! The doctors administered an IV drug that was intense!! The cardiologist and neurologist were in the room and assured me the chest pain and shortness of breath wouldn’t “last long”. I guess the deer in the head lights looks I gave them during it made them gather round and reassure me during the process. For a good 30 seconds I thought the next face I would see would be Jesus! I knew I would be fine either way and here my old hard headed tail sits alive and kicking. 😂😂 I now get to be on a medicine to regulate my heart. I think Tal’s grandma is on the same stuff.😂😂

If you are reading this; Thank you for caring, praying & sending love my way. I say it all the time – Prayers have sustained me this far.  May 2017 bring you a Healthy, Prosperous New Year! 

As for me, I’m going to try to learn to take care of me so I will be here for others. The wedding is next weekend so get ready, there will be sappy posts ahead. I only have one daughter and I’m posting so she will have it in the future! And it will be the truth because it will be on Facebook! 😂😂

😘😘😘😘 -Melynda

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When Life Gives You Lemons & You Choose Not To Make Lemonade! 

Yes, I said it! People choose not to make lemonade! Life is not always bubble gum and rainbows & I’m guessing if you are reading this you already know it. The God of the Bible, in whom I worship and serve, never promises life on this earth without conflicts. The Bible states many times when believers were persecuted but God prevailed every single time. Daniel in the lions den (Daniel 6), the fiery furnace (Daniel 3) and Job (the whole book). Each time these Christians believed and God delivered. It wasn’t easy, can you imagine being thrown into a den of lions? A fiery furnace? Allowing Satan to take away everything you have, your wealth, health & family? I cannot imagine that kind of fear however I know the fear I have in my daily life. 

Life has handed me lemons, an entire flipping forty acres of lemons – as far as the eye can see! It’s called Myasthenia Gravis. Why do I have this? No one knows. What causes it? Not sure. Can I be cured? No, maybe who knows. Those are man’s answers. However, I serve a risen Savior who’s in the world today! I know that He is with me whatever men may say! I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer and JUST the time I need Him He’s always near! You’re singing aren’t you? I did! He does live! I think sometimes we forget that. We get bogged down in life on this earth and we forget that we are not of this world, let me back up – if YOU have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior and have a relationship with Him, YOU my brother or sister are not of this earthly world! 

Not choosing to make lemonade shouldn’t be an option for you! Think of what lies ahead! I have my moments when I let life get me down, I am not perfect. In fact you will never hear me say that. I am flawed! Some moments I choose to wallow in self pity. Praise God those are getting to be fewer and farther apart! Life is what YOU choose to make it. That is right, YOU! Happy? Sad? Cheerful? Miserable? You hold that power. You also hold that power to turn people off to Jesus. Just a thought. Many times it hits me that I may have done something that turns someone away from the best gift ever given. It breaks my heart and I have to ask God to forgive me and try to make it right. 

As we celebrate this gift giving season, remember the greatest gift of all -Jesus. He came to earth in the most vulnerable way, a baby. He gave his life so that we could live! So here is my challenge for you; whatever your situation, there is always someone in a worse one. Whatever your health, there is always someone sicker. What ever your financial status, there is always someone poorer. Life will give you lemons, just make lemonade…always make lemonade! 

Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours! ~ Melynda

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Love is patient, Love is kind…

1 Corinthians 13 states; “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

I believe the Bible is God’s word.  It is God breathed, God inspired, His Living word to believers. 1 Corinthians 13 truly inspires me to be a better person because God has given me a love that not many people can have. This love has grown for a long time. It’s seen happy times, heart breaking times, birth, death, health & sickness. It has stood the test of time and if you would have told me 27 years ago it is was so I would have said “You are crazy! There is NO WAY that is possible, me & Tal Poss?!?”

On December 1, 1990 I walked arm in arm with my dad down an aisle to the same alter he married my mom. There was one exception, I was walking to marry the man of my dreams. I was madly, deeply in love with my best friend and I didn’t think it could get any better. Little did I know that over the course of the next twenty six years we would grow stronger as a team and deeper in love.

God has blessed us with two beautiful children that couldn’t be a better combination of the two of us. Kathryn has Tal’s coloring, legs, feet and nose. She has my high cheekbones, thin lips, mannerisms and sassiness. Yes, Bethany Beggs that’s where she gets it, she just has more of it than I did! She has my quick wit and Tal’s unfiltered mouth (Heaven help her). Adam has my coloring, butt, feet and eyes. He has Tal’s lips, eyebrows, long legs and height. He also has my quick wit but it’s accompanied by Tal’s sense of humor and  delivery on the punch lines which makes him hysterically funny but, he is quiet so you have to really be listening! He is my compassionate kid. Between the two of them we did a good job, it’s still a work in progress but we did good!

We have a home -not a house. Our home is our refuge, we find comfort and strength in it and each other. At the end of the day there is no place I would rather be than right here in our home together. I don’t have to travel the world or live the high life as long as I have us.  Our home is lived in, comfortable and simple – just like I would describe us.

I am proud to be Tal’s wife,  nothing gives me greater pleasure than to cook a meal for him and sit down with our family and then he tell me “You did good on supper”.  He makes my heart flutter now like he did 26 years ago when he walks in he door. He may aggravate me at times but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Our vows in sickness and in health he has kept. I don’t know how he has handled everything that has been thrown at us lately but he has. He has cared for me (the caregiver) better than I could have ever dreamed. He has always provided for us, protected us but most of all loved us – unconditionally. He would lay down his life for mine if I would let him. We have made plans to grow old together. I plan on sticking to those plans. Myasthenia Gravis can beat me up, tear me down, cause me grief and throw whatever it wants at me but I have a SUPER-man in my corner holding me up, cheering me on and loving me more and more each day.

Tal, thanks for being my super hero. I love you madly, deeply, more and more each day. Who would have ever thought that we would still be together after all these years. Happy 26th Anniversary! Here’s to 26 more and then some! I’m glad I caved and didn’t stick to my exclaimation – “I wouldn’t date you if you were the last man on the planet!” Lol, I will gladly eat that crow for the rest of my life! 😘😘

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Simply Thankful! 

Thanksgiving day is one of my favorite holidays. Why? The simplicity of it. It is a day we spend with our loved ones gathered around a dinner table eating, talking and in our house laughing. Society has us hustling and bustling to go here, get there, hurry up but, today…we slow down, eat, watch football and enjoy the simple things in life. 

Today I am simply thankful. Thankful for a multitude of things but I’m only going to list a few. Here it goes…

1. A Sovreign God -He never fails me, I ONLY fail Him. 

2. My husband Tal – since June he has shown me the meaning of a faithful husband. 

3.  Kathryn , my daughter that acts like me more than I care to admit. She has successfully accomplished her goals for life and is fixing to embark on starting her own family in January. 

4. Adam, my son. He is the most generous, patient & loving 16 year old you will ever meet. He is always calm under pressure and he is a source of my strength in this battle with my health. I can depend on him regardless. He has no clue what a great human being he really is.  He is going to do great things with his life and I can’t wait to see what. He is also one of the funniest people I know. 

5.  Jaron, whether he likes it or not he is going to be stuck with us come January as our newest but oldest child. He will never in my eyes be considered an in law or an out law. Hahaha! He loves Kathryn like she hung the moon and treats her better than we could ever dream. God bless him come January she will be his! There will be no trading in or giving back -Tal’s words. I hope he knows how much we love him and look forward to many years together as a family. 

6.  My Mama – this woman has driven me to work and picked me up everyday since September. She is taking care of me in her “golden” years when I should be taking care of her. Since my dad’s death we have shared every day together. My mama & I have not always seen eye to eye, we still don’t some days but my goodness we laugh right through it! I hope she knows how much I love her and how thankful I am to have her still around being my Mama. 

7. Marie, technically she is my mother in law but I don’t consider her that, she’s my other mother! She has always treated me like her own. Tal & I are very thankful and truly blessed to have wonderful mothers!

8. Big Mama-she is Marie’s mother, Tal’s grandmother, Kathryn & Adam’s great grandmother. She is also my grandmother too, after 26 years she now has no choice! We love her so much and are so glad she is still around with us. 

9.  My church family – our church is small in number but it is FULL of prayer warriors. These folks have prayed for me and still do daily. They call, bring meals, send cards, help out around my house and love me more than I deserve! Blessed beyond measure is a good way to describe how I feel about them. 

10. My sisters & brothers, nieces & nephews here they are listed – Wyatt, Jenni, Wyatt & Evan and Jody, Dena, Neeley, Cash, Carlin & Russell. Family is family and mine is the best. We may not talk every day but I know they are a call away. On Thanksgiving we all get together at my house and enjoy a meal. Wyatt is my brother, Dena is Tal’s sister – I never dreamed I would be able to have such a wonderful extension to my family.

11. Y-O-U! You are traveling this journey with me through my blog and I am thankful for your time & well wishes! Some of you I may not know personally, that doesn’t matter we can change that! Friendship is a wonderful thing & I am thankful for you!

My prayer is that you simply have a Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your family & friends you never know what turns life will take and if they will be here next year. Thanks for reading and may God bless you! ~Melynda

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Grief is a Powerful Thing! 

This week at the Poss house has been rough! Yesterday we had to say goodbye to our beloved Lola. She was a dashchund/chihuahua mix that was given to my now 16 year old son by a co-worker. He wanted a puppy and at 5 when you won’t sleep in your own bed what do parents do? Get a dog!

I have always had dogs growing up. My parents were dog lovers and my dad made Lola ROTTEN! She thought she was suppose to eat what you ate, she was suppose to go where you went and she understood what you said especially if it had the letters b-o-l-o-g-n-a in it! She would smile at you if she thought it could get her a treat and look away from you when you made her mad. She and our 22 year old daughter had a love hate relationship that Lola always had the last word in their disputes. How you ask? Well, when you can chew up all of the most expensive underwear someone owns by getting in their dirty clothes and then proudly displaying them for said party to see. You win hands down! Laugh if you want to, Lola has been ruling our roost for 11 years. Tal, my husband has had a perfectly placed puddle to step in a time or two! Adam & I well, we just fed her and loved her – she knew it. When Adam turned 16 we gave him a choice of several vehicles we had here and he chose my Dad’s old Chevy pick up. The same pick up that was used the last 5 years of my daddy’s life for the sole purpose of driving Lola around the circle in our neighborhood!  Did I say that she was spoiled?

On Sunday night, Lola scratched on the door and came in my Mama’s house; she had been attacked by something. We later found out we have a coyote lurking in our neighborhood. We called our local veterinarian Dr. Tim Causey who met us at his office. I knew it was bad but not the extend of how bad it was going to be. He told us what he thought was going on, gave her meds & put a pressure dressing on her neck. We brought her home one last night where she slept on Tal’s side of the bed and he slept on the sofa. Did I say Lola was rotten?

She did pretty good through the night. She rested off & on. I was up and down all night monitoring her. Needless to say, Myasthenia Gravis, stress and virtually no sleep are not a good combinantion. Yesterday I looked like Popeye when I woke up. My right eye was almost shut and it wasn’t even 6am! We put Lola over at Mama’s to spend the day in the house and rest. I went to work & was not able to make a whole day because of weakness. When we arrived back home Lola was pitiful. She was swollen, struggling to breathe and back to the vet I went. I called the school to talk to Adam and he decided he wanted to meet us there. We arrived first, Dr. Causey said his worst feat was true and the hole in her trachea was larger than anything that could heal on it’s own. Lola was subdued until she saw that white truck turn in the driveway. Her tail was wagging like nobody’s business. She knew the truck and who was in it. Adam came in, we talked and decided we would let Dr. Causey try to surgically assess the situation. He gave her a sedative and did an X-ray which revealed our worst fear. Her trachea was crushed and she had air in every cavity in her body: There was nothing he could do to help her. We could not stand to see her suffering and chose to have her put to sleep. Toughest thing ever for me, I cannot imagine what Adam felt because his best friend of 11 years was not coming home.

My heart ached for my baby! Dr. Causey wrapped Lola in a body bag so we could take her home and bury her under her favorite tree where she laid in the sun everyday. She was wrapped in her blanket when he brought her back and gave her to Adam. Adam and Lola went to the truck one last time. When I had taken care of things inside, I got in the truck to find Lola between us. The same spot she would get when she was fixing to go for a ride. He rode her around the circle in our neighborhood one last time and then brought her in the house to lay on the sofa – one last time. I text my husband through tears to hurry home so they could bury her. My heart was breaking into a million pieces!

We have grieved Lola like crazy! I cannot begin to know what happens to out pets when they die. I can only think that right now she and my Daddy are up to no good, eating and playing.  When my Dad died I held it together except, for when Lola was around. EVERYTIME the doors of my house opened and someone came to visit or bring food she would look for him. When it was not him coming through the door she just pouted. I took her to see him in the coffin and she tried to wake him up. She nudged him with her nose and then looked at me with the saddest eyes ever and rested her chin on my shoulder. She knew he was gone. She made me cry over losing my dad. I knew he didn’t have a life here and was better off but, she didn’t. She was pitiful for months after he died.

Grief is a very powerful thing but God promises us that He is will comfort us when we mourn. In Matthew 5:4 it states “”Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” What peace in knowing God has got us no matter what we mourn. Sometimes it might be our family member, our pets, our health (in my case) or even our job but, I am ever so thankful for that peace.

I cannot thank Dr. Causey and his staff enough for all they have done for us and Lola. They are the most compassionate people you will ever meet. A good veterinarian and staff is hard to find and we have the best!

Here are a few of my favorite picture of our Sweet Lola:

She was probably 6 months old when this picture was made.

This picture was made at Christmas. I told the kids to get in the picture and it wasn’t until after I made them did I realize Lola was front and center! 😂

She loved to sleep and snuggle!

We were taking picture of the snow and if I pointed the camera at her she posed with her leg lifted up – every single time! 😳🙄😂 #divadog

She thought she deserved a pillow too. She would even allow you to sleep on your pillow with her! 😂

You can barely see it but I told her I would take it off if she smiled. I personally think it was more of a sneer.

And our last picture of her. Adam was talking to her and it was sweet tender moment but also one of the saddest.

Thanks for reading! ~ Melynda

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Today is a tough one!

Today I am so thankful for all of the men and women who have served our country. Those men and women have seen and done things that I cannot ever imagine. While right now as I type there are people rioting on the streets and burning our flag that these men and women have shed blood to keep it flying. I just don’t understand it. How can you. It be thankful to live in a country that allows you to raise your family by your own standards, work hard and earn your own property and exercise your right to freely vote on the candidate of your choice to lead this country. I could live in a country that allows none of that. We are lucky! I am thankful for ALL of those freedoms and the men & women who have protected it. But today is a tough one. You see I miss my most favorite veteran of all…my daddy. Yes, I’m 47 but right now I want more than ever to get up, go next door,  crawl up in my daddy’s lap and him to just tell me it will all be ok. Do you ever have days like that? Today’s my day. I could crawl up in my mama’s lap she wouldn’t mind but she wouldn’t be able to breathe either! 😂😂

During this whole battle for my life & health I have tried to be positive. I haven’t always accomplished it but I’ve tried. I just need my daddy to tell me it’s going to be ok.  I know this will not happen so I am going to take some advice that someone gave me years ago. When the person you need is not spiritually there put Christ in their place. Great advice isn’t it?!? So today I am prayed up and my Heavenly Father has assured me that it will be ok. I am claiming healing in the name of Jesus! I know all will be ok and I am one day closer to seeing my daddy and my Heavenly Father! 

Today, I might be a little sad because I miss my daddy but I’m taking my mama, loading up the truck and going shoe shopping. We have a wedding coming up and we want to look cute. This should be fun! After all, I’m sure she is missing him too! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

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