Oh MG! (Myasthenia Gravis)

I’m trying to write this post and I am at a loss for what to say. This could go negative quickly and that is not my intent. This past week has been horrible on me physically and emotionally. I have not worked since February 26 and I cannot go back to work until after my follow up on March 23. Talk about not prepared. Ugh! I have fears and doubts but I know that God is Sovereign and He has me in the palm of His hand. He is completely in control; I know this because on Monday evening our world spun completely out of control.

I had not been feeling well and literally could not hold my head up for more than 10 minutes at the time. I also had the sensation that someone had their hands around my neck which made me short of breath. I took my IVIG treatment a week early which usually picks me back up but this time it did not. On Monday I had no choice but to go to the doctor. My Primary Care Doctor told me I needed to go the the ER at Augusta University which is the worst place on the planet to me. I have a friend that works there and I let him know I was coming so he could check in on me from time to time. I was short listed to the back in a room in the corner of the ER near a back door. All the doctors came in to see me and told me they were admitting me to Neuro ICU due to shortness of breath and my history of going downhill so fast. That was around 2:30 in the afternoon. We got there around 12:30. After we waited for a while I sent Tal home because I thought they would take care of me and I would be moved shortly. Wrong, absolutely the dumbest decision I have ever made in my life. I was left, checked on every hour or so in a room that was hot. Heat makes me wear down. I expressed to the nurse how hot I was and he opened the door to come back an hour later for me to only be able to utter help me. I was completely paralyzed and was struggling with everything I had to take a breath. That is the weird thing about this disease, the more you use the muscles the weaker they become so when you start out short of breath the ability to inhale gets harder with each breath. I bet right now you have taken 10-12 breathes that you haven’t even had to think about. There are days when I have to coach myself so that I am breathing steady and slow. It’s horrible.

So back to the story; Tal home; Mama home; everyone is at home. My nurse was very nice but obviously didn’t understand when I said help me that I truly needed it. He came in and out, fiddled with the computer, tried to get some medications together that were ordered, didn’t have much communication with me because I couldn’t communicate. When my friend came to check on me he realized that something wasn’t right and I needed assistance immediately. He stayed with me held my hand and told me he was there. I remember his coming at me with his knuckles on my sternum to try to get me to respond to which I simply didn’t do very well. My mind is still great, I thought to myself geeesh, this is fixing to hurt and it did but my body barely moved. Tears are the only thing that functions and they flow freely down my cheeks because I am terrified of what is happening to me. I remember hearing “what’s wrong with her”. Someone says she has a “history of myasthenia gravis” to which the reply was “I’ve not really dealt with that before”. Let me tell you as a patient those are the LAST words you want to hear when your life is on the line. I hear talking and commotion. They tell me they are going to intubated me. They tell me that I’m going to go to sleep. I wish I had stayed asleep. I awoke to people running around sticking me and talking about needing the ultra sound machine to get an IV, stripping my clothes off and all while I felt trapped inside a coffin unable to move or speak. I was not breathing myself so I feel like I was on the ventilator at this point. I remember hearing my brother’s exact words “Oh my God, she looks like my dad!” Daddy spent the last month of his life off and on a ventilator and I now know why he said no more. It’s awful. I remember praying and telling God whatever he has planned for me to keep my family safe. I prayed for Tal, Kathryn, Jaron, Adam, Mama and Marie. That they would be ok if I went home with Jesus. I asked The Lord to give them comfort and sang “There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain, break every chain, break…every…chain…

The next day around lunch I woke up to the best sight! I saw Jamie, one of the Nurse Practitioners from Neuro ICU smiling at me. It was the best smile ever; he has one of those smiles that lights up his whole face. I was unclear of what was going on or how long I had been out but I was alive. Dr. Garcia and the Neuro ICU team came around and he told me good news and bad news. “My dear friend” he started “we have to make sure you can breath on your own before we can remove the tube”. I can be an anxious person and let me tell you my anxiety was on high alert. I had my phone and text them asked if they could give me something to calm me. I was hot and felt like I was buried in a box with just my head out. He told me he would return around 4:30 to which my restrained hands did the two finger my eyes to his eyes. He laughed and promised me he would be back.

The next few hours were tough. Tal had gone home to get sleep when Mama got back up there. Our preacher and his wife came and I text my Mama and asked her to tell him to pray for my anxiety that I would lay there restrained with these tubes in my throat and be comfortable until the time was up. When Jerry & Debra walked in the immediately prayed. They stayed there with me and my mom until this whole ordeal was over. The nurse I had was fabulous I’m not sure she knew how to take me. She asked my mama if I was chatty and I am pretty sure you know what Mama’s response was. Ha!

Dr. Garcia didn’t fail me, he came back before the given time. Y’all I am not lying when I say those were the longest couple of hours in my life and the hardest I had ever worked to remain calm and composed. I prayed for strength and The Lord came through once again! He is ever faithful and I cannot express that enough. It’s why I am struggling with worry and fear about stuff I cannot control. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He will provide for us. It makes me mad at myself for feeling like this.

My doctor intentionally kept me out of work because he says I push myself too much. I do, I want to be the best wife, mom, daughter, co-worker, niece, cousin, friend, etc that I can be but I have got to change that focus. I have two and half weeks to work on changing that mindset. I want to be the best follower of Christ I can be. I want to serve THE Risen Savior. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus while I am still on this earth. I want to practice what I plan to do for eternity…worship an Almighty God!

Please continue to pray for me and my family. As much as I went through they had to see me like that: helpless, lifeless and unresponsive. I know God’s plan is greater than my dreams I just hope I am smart enough to realize the path He has set and follow it obediently even when I think I know best.

Thanks for reading. Thank you for your prayers. I apologize in advance for grammatical errors, it’s 2am and Kathryn is asleep. She is sure to point them out to me later. Haha!

Much love ~ Melynda

After being in the hospital I came across this picture of me that was sent in a text message to Tal. I don’t know who took it or how it was sent to my husband but if this is not the perfect picture of me and my relationship with God I don’t know what is! I am not perfect. Let me repeat: I 👏🏻 AM 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 PERFECT 👏🏻! I struggle with my flesh just like everyone else! I choose to ask Him to forgive me while I keep learning and growing as best as I can. Have I achieved my goal? No and I cannot ever achieve my goal while on this earth but, I can strive to get closer to the mark and finish the best I can through daily time in the Bible and prayer. What better way to get to know someone than a daily intentional conversation?

Now back to the picture. Pretend that phone is what I am struggling with for instance I will use Myasthenia Gravis. I give it to God for His help and healing. I do good for a while and then where is my problem? Back with me trying to fix it. Ugh! The struggle is real! It seems I do this with everything! Evidently I am a slow learner because, I’m going on four years of foolishness just with Myasthenia Gravis. Worry is one I think I have racked up about 50 years worth of. I know I am not the only one that struggles with things. I just wanted to put that out there that I struggle too. My sin is not any worse than yours. God doesn’t see sin as different it’s all the same and it ALL separates us from Him unless we ask forgiveness and learn from it.

Tal and I have been able to have candid conversations about some things that I am struggling with and I have had to confess that I do struggle with worry and fear at times but I know God is in control and He has a plan. A plan I want to stick to and see unfold! He has proven time and time again that He can pull me through.

While the picture is not a glamour shot, it shows the struggle of life. You see I am hooked up to a ventilator but, I was breathing on my own. There are restraints on my wrists that were loosened so I could text what I needed and more than likely my eyes were closed in prayer. The battle I was facing was three hours of being hooked up to all of that while trying to stay calm, breathe normally and stay calm. Yes! I know I repeated myself; you try staying calm while totally alert with all of that in your throat! 😫 The reward was getting all of that junk out and being able to go home after some rehab and safety checks. What I didn’t know then? The Corona virus would hit that hospital within a couple of weeks of me being there. How is that for protection? Only God can give you that much protection, that much peace and that much comfort! His plan is always far greater that what we deserve! He also placed a wonderful group of doctors, nurses and other staff to brighten my day while I was there. But let’s not forget – the phone still represented the Myasthenia Gravis fight I so desperately wanted to win on my own. So I am praying and asking God to help while still holding on to the problem. 🙄 How is that for messed up? I know God rolls his eyes at me (a lot), probably just like my parents did when I was a teenager.

When I came home from the hospital I felt pressed to pray for people because there were so many that prayed for me during that hospital stay and it worked! I am still here and I have a purpose! On a Facebook post I asked if I could pray for anyone and currently I have a two page list of names of people who reached out to me; some are specific prayers and some are in general. You see, now is the time we need to be praying for each other, praying over our country and it’s leaders. We are at war with a unknown enemy and if this is when I see Jesus I am going out fighting!

May God give you the strength, peace and protection that you need in the days ahead. If you want to be added to my prayer list, please message me, I would be glad to pray for you.

Much love and may God bless you! ~Melynda

My Mama always said “Once those words are spoken you can never take them back!” This is so true. It is hard to forgive someone that has verbally hurt you. Those feelings just simmer and mull around until it consumes you and steals your joy; at least that is how it can be for me at times. Those people you live with see you at your worst. Currently, mine are seeing me at my worst 24/7 thanks to COVID19! 😑 I have had to apologize more times in the past three weeks than I have in a year. Oh the struggle to be nice when you are mentally on edge.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to die right now. I want to see my son get married, meet my grandchildren, grow old together with Tal. This tension causes me to be on edge and fly off the handle in a split second. I don’t mean to but I still do it. I feel like this is the same for every American Citizen right now. We are living in fear and I am guilty!

As I scroll through Facebook I also see so many things about people in authority; things good and bad. Our opinions on people and their job performance or how nasty someone is. Now is the time to build people up not tear them down or assist in spreading rumors or lies. I am not one to make political posts. I don’t always agree with the behavior of people in authority but, I cannot imagine the stress each and every person at our nation and state capitals are enduring right now. Someone in authority is having to make decisions about the lives of their family, friends and people they don’t even know. Lives are literally in their hands. Circumstances that have never been seen in my lifetime are thrown at these people right and left. Are they hard decisions? Absolutely! Do they make the right choices? Maybe! maybe not! These people need our prayers and our support. They are making decisions about our lives and we are not there to witness the circumstances and exactly what happens. I don’t trust anything I see on the television anymore. I have to investigate it and pray about it. Satan is hard at work to bend our ways of thinking toward his. Now is the time for Christians to stand outside of the mix.

Two Bible verses come to mind regarding this subject:

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬. Set yourself apart! Stand up for Jesus!

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6‬. At this time in our lives this is exactly what we need: to be prayerful, thankful and in our Bibles.

God’s word tells us the ending to the story. Whether you believe in Christ Jesus as your Lord & Savior or not, the ending is the same. I encourage you today to tune into a church service, tune into more than one. Fill your heart and mind with the truly good stuff! God’s mercy and grace is sufficient!

Stay safe! Much love ~ Melynda

While most of the time I write in my blog about my battle with Myasthenia Gravis today is going to be different.

Yesterday, the local Christian radio station that I listen to came to visit our “Tiny Town”. I had taken the day off of work and decided I was going to go up there. Little did I know the blessing I was going to receive. This is one of the first “outings” I’ve been on without my mask and since I’ve been off of prednisone. So needless to say my appearance changed. I feel so much better that I can actually participate in things. I received a bunch of hugs and love from people who couldn’t believe how much better I looked. These are people that I KNOW have been praying for me daily. I KNOW these people love me and WE are family. We may look different but WE are Lincoln County!

I was especially moved when I got to see a couple who have been fighting a battle much different from mine. Jamey and Tina Corley are younger than me but I have known Jamey for at least 35 years. He and I grew up in the same small community called Leah, Georgia right across the lake from where we both live now. Jamie and my brother ran the same circles and had the same friends.

I was crushed when he was “given the diagnosis” of esophageal cancer with metastasis to the liver last August. He is so young and so are his children. His wife, Tina, and I keep up on Facebook so I know the hills and valleys they have been through. After his first round of chemo the liver was declared cancer free. Prayer people! God is in the healing business…every single day and this is proof!

Yesterday, I saw Jamey and Tina walking up toward the Welcome Center and I rushed down the porch steps to see them. I became very emotional because I have been praying for him everyday and he looked great! We hugged, I got teary eyed and hugged again. The whole thing was caught on video. Tina was hidden from view on the other side of a tree (of course in her she put it on Facebook with her husband hugging some strange woman! 😂😂). I almost spit out my drink when I saw it and I laughed so hard.

In talking with Jamey I told him I have been praying for him daily and he replied I pray for you every night too. I got to hug Tina even though THAT didn’t get on the video! Jamey couldn’t have found a better wife. She is beautiful, loving and hysterically funny; a precious person all around. She doesn’t know it but her sense of humor has helped me through some bad days. It was a wonderful reunion! I can’t imagine what reunions are going to be like in heaven but, I’m sure they will fill your heart with as much joy as this one.

In our conversation Jamey said something that struck me. He said he has “not claimed this cancer” he completely laid it at Jesus’ feet last August; LAST August! How strong of a person is that? I struggle with things that I give to God and then I take it back and try to fix it. Tina and I chuckled because she said she does the same thing. He is as peaceful as any person I’ve met. I want that too! I pray The Lord will give me that strength to give Myasthenia Gravis to HIM permanently! What a reminder that I needed to hear!

I need you to do something for Jamey and Tina. He has an important scan on Monday. Lift him and Tina up in prayer as they continue to Praise Jesus in the hills and valleys. Jamey said he knows he is going to be cancer free and I fully believe him because I believe in HIM! God is The Great Physician and all we have to do is lay it at His feet and leave it there. Thank you Jamey and Tina for lifting my spirits and reminding me to leave it there! I love y’all!

Thanks for reading and praying! ~Melynda

Thanksgiving day is one of my favorite holidays. Why? The simplicity of it. It is a day we spend with our loved ones gathered around a dinner table eating, talking and in our house laughing. Society has us hustling and bustling to go here, get there, hurry up but, today…we slow down, eat, watch football and enjoy the simple things in life. 

Today I am simply thankful. Thankful for a multitude of things but I’m only going to list a few. Here it goes…

1. A Sovreign God -He never fails me, I ONLY fail Him. 

2. My husband Tal – since June he has shown me the meaning of a faithful husband. 

3.  Kathryn , my daughter that acts like me more than I care to admit. She has successfully accomplished her goals for life and is fixing to embark on starting her own family in January. 

4. Adam, my son. He is the most generous, patient & loving 16 year old you will ever meet. He is always calm under pressure and he is a source of my strength in this battle with my health. I can depend on him regardless. He has no clue what a great human being he really is.  He is going to do great things with his life and I can’t wait to see what. He is also one of the funniest people I know. 

5.  Jaron, whether he likes it or not he is going to be stuck with us come January as our newest but oldest child. He will never in my eyes be considered an in law or an out law. Hahaha! He loves Kathryn like she hung the moon and treats her better than we could ever dream. God bless him come January she will be his! There will be no trading in or giving back -Tal’s words. I hope he knows how much we love him and look forward to many years together as a family. 

6.  My Mama – this woman has driven me to work and picked me up everyday since September. She is taking care of me in her “golden” years when I should be taking care of her. Since my dad’s death we have shared every day together. My mama & I have not always seen eye to eye, we still don’t some days but my goodness we laugh right through it! I hope she knows how much I love her and how thankful I am to have her still around being my Mama. 

7. Marie, technically she is my mother in law but I don’t consider her that, she’s my other mother! She has always treated me like her own. Tal & I are very thankful and truly blessed to have wonderful mothers!

8. Big Mama-she is Marie’s mother, Tal’s grandmother, Kathryn & Adam’s great grandmother. She is also my grandmother too, after 26 years she now has no choice! We love her so much and are so glad she is still around with us. 

9.  My church family – our church is small in number but it is FULL of prayer warriors. These folks have prayed for me and still do daily. They call, bring meals, send cards, help out around my house and love me more than I deserve! Blessed beyond measure is a good way to describe how I feel about them. 

10. My sisters & brothers, nieces & nephews here they are listed – Wyatt, Jenni, Wyatt & Evan and Jody, Dena, Neeley, Cash, Carlin & Russell. Family is family and mine is the best. We may not talk every day but I know they are a call away. On Thanksgiving we all get together at my house and enjoy a meal. Wyatt is my brother, Dena is Tal’s sister – I never dreamed I would be able to have such a wonderful extension to my family.

11. Y-O-U! You are traveling this journey with me through my blog and I am thankful for your time & well wishes! Some of you I may not know personally, that doesn’t matter we can change that! Friendship is a wonderful thing & I am thankful for you!

My prayer is that you simply have a Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your family & friends you never know what turns life will take and if they will be here next year. Thanks for reading and may God bless you! ~Melynda