When Your World Seems Dark

I will not lie, have had a rough couple of weeks. Last week I found out at the very last minute that my insurance company had decided that it would not pay for the medication I take before my infusions monthly through the infusion pharmacy. They wanted to buy it through a retail pharmacy. I know that doesn’t sound too complicated, let the doctor call it in to a new place. Yeah, that didn’t work out after calling five local pharmacies they all said they could get it but when they got the prescription they said they could not.  Here is the catch, I use one bottle a month through my port, yes infused through my port. The medication comes in a box of TWENTY FIVE! So there was no actual “retail pharmacy” that would order this medication and take the chance of it expiring before I could use it.  So at first I cried because my infusion was the VERY NEXT DAY but then after selfishly crying I instead chose to cry out to Jesus! The Bible encourages us to pray. Psalm 55:17 states “Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry loud, And HE shall hear my voice.”  I also put it on Facebook for my family and friends to cry out on by behalf as well. I think The Lord hears all of our prayers and answers according to His will so I knew He would come through.  After lunch on Friday I had a solution in more ways that one.  TWO childhood friends reached out to me and not only did I find a pharmacy that will get me my medicine one month at the time but I also got a bottle couriered to me from the infusion pharmacy free of charge.  I am not certain how that second one got pulled off but she knows who she is and I am so very thankful!  My nurse was also having to drive from Atlanta in horrible rainy weather and prayers were lifted up for her as well. She made it safe and we rejoiced in the fact that God showed up and showed out. My infusion went as planned and great people made miracles happen through fervent prayer and service.

This week has not been so great, usually I pick right back up after my infusion but I have obviously come in contact with something that I am trying to fight.  I have been weak and had to go to bed by 6 every evening.  I have pretty much gotten dressed, worked all day and eaten my meals, nothing extra. I have had to rest after getting dressed each morning because of the weakness, it is crazy how the simplest things wear my body down. A little bit of rest and I seem to perk up to make it through the next step.  Yesterday was my sweet husband’s birthday and our daughter wanted us to all go out to eat for his birthday. We decided 6 pm so we wouldn’t be out too late. AS if Satan was on my heels, you guessed it, I was chatting and visiting with my children, Tal’s sister and her family, my mother in law and my mom. Suddenly I felt the tremendous weakness coming on. I can honestly say that my family is the best support system a girl could ask for. My husband, mom & mother in law picked up quick what was happening.  Everyone stood up, helped me get around a table, out the door and to the car.  They stayed and waiting for their food while Mama and I came home.  Once we got to the house we sat in the car because I could not use my legs at all. The only way I can describe it is this: Imagine wearing concrete boots with toothpick legs. It simply “ain’t” happening! I knew I would fall and hurt myself not to mention my mom. When I got in the car I crossed my legs and I sat like that until I had rested enough they would move again.  Once Tal got home he swept me off my feet and into the house.  I often describe this as a “sack of potatoes” sweeping off of the feet but this was more like “wedgie central”. HAHAHA! The easiest thing to hold on to was the waist of my pants. My pants didn’t bust and I got where I needed to so I am not fussing. We consider it Old Folks New Wave Dance! He must really love me to deal with all of this! When we took our marriage vows I think we both figured since I am a nurse I would be taking care of him. As I laid in bed last night initially I cried but it was directly to The Lord for his goodness and mercy. He gave me the best care givers a girl could want.  I am so thankful for them daily, even when I am cranky, short talking and down right rude, I hope they realize what they mean to me.

My morning devotion was focused around this scripture, Psalm 62. Here are some excerpts from it:

1 -Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. 2-Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

I encourage you to read the whole chapter. It reminds me that when my world seems dark and shaky. He is my fortress, my rock, my salvation, my strength and ALWAYS PRESENT HELP in times of trouble.  I don’t know if you have a need but I can promise you that if you trust in the One who created you He will meet your needs.

Thanks for reading! Much love ~ Melynda

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