The If’s Have Had Me…

Do you ever live life wondering ; “what if?” “only if?” “I should have…” “Lord, if you, I will…” ?  You are not alone! This chick does it all the time.  You know why? I am imperfect, faulty, whatever you want to call it but I am human. Some nights when I can’t sleep (thanks prednisone) my head rattles with all of this stuff around in it and it could drive me crazy. This week has been a struggle. We learned that someone VERY close to us has terminal cancer and we are heartbroken.  We love her and want her to be with us forever. She knows The Lord and for that we are thankful! She is the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. She is far precious than “rubies” to us that is for sure .  We are thankful for the joy she has brought to me for over 27 years and to my husband his entire life.  She has never treated me as anything but family. As for my husband, she is partly responsible for him be a spoiled, not the right word. Let’s start over; She is partly responsible for him always getting his way.  Yes he is spoiled but so I am – she helped with that too! She has spoiled us all over the years!  While having my pity party off and on all week I kept asking why her, why this precious family & then Satan would get me – why me? I have prayed off and on everyday for The Lord to be gracious and then I would have a pity party again.  Satan is such a liar! It was on the way to work one morning that a song came on the radio and it hit me…like a lead balloon! Sometimes God does not choose to move our mountains. The song is by Mercy me and the lyrics go:

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can’t

It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well, good thing
A little faith is all I have right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmoved
Give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

How true it is! Sometimes we just have to have faith that God is ALWAYS moving FOR us not against us and the mountains and hurts are a part of life.  We are ever changing vessels to HIM. We are to grow and strengthen in HIM.  Building our faith is just like building a house. You have to start somewhere with something. The Bible states “faith of a mustard seed” is all that is required to move mountains.  You want to hear a “God wink”? After all of my self pity this week & hearing this song EVERY DAY on the way to work; this morning at church a couple came to see their grand daughter & daughter in law be baptized. I grew up with this man’s children but I haven’t seen him in 20+ years. He used to make leather crafts, I still have the wrist cuff me made & handpainted for me with my name on it.  Mr. Charles Reynolds is his name.  I’m telling you it’s been a really LONG time since I have seen him.  I introduced myself to him & his wife by my married name and then realized who they were and re-introduced myself by my maiden name. Remind you I have to wear a mask for my protection when out in public so I don’t catch any illnesses because my immune system is weakened due to all of my meds.  They asked me why I wore the mask I told them that I had Myasthenia Gravis. They looked at me like everyone does – like I am speaking a foreign language. I explained a little bit about the disease process.  Later on during the church service between hymns I announced that I had a praise, I am on WEEK 11 of no hospital stays!! WOOT WOOT! My little country church members have been earnestly praying for a miracle for me.  It was not until this week when I realized this IS MY MIRACLE!! Sometimes GOD DOES NOT MOVE THE MOUNTAIN; I am ok with that! I still have Myasthenia Gravis – I am ok with that! I am, however, learning to live a new normal life with this disease.  It does not have me – I have it!  Ok, I am chasing rabbits – back to the point. Mr. Reynolds came up to me after church and told me he was doing a project that he wanted to tell me about it. He quoted this verse:

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

And then proceeded to tell me he put mustard seed in an envelope and handed them out to people with the scripture on it. I did say I had not seen him in years right? Do you ever feel like God is standing beside you? Today I did, I felt as if I had looked over my shoulder He would be staring at me, probably laughing because of the shocked look on my face. Thank goodness a mask covers up half of this ugly mug that cannot hide my facial expressions.  The only thing I could respond to Mr. Reynolds was “I know God is going to heal me, He has already done so much!” Then I thought to myself “Dummy what have you been struggling with all week long?” OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH!!

So yeah, sometimes I win some, sometimes I lose, but right now I am winning! God always confirms to me when I don’t think I am going to make it that HE has me & I will be able to sing It Is Well With MY SOUL!

Prayers for my family and our loved one are greatly appreciated. When I have talked to her this week I have asked what she needs and she always says “Say a little prayer for me.” I have that covered over and over again!

Have a great week! I am off to pick up my daughter and son in law from the airport. They have been honeymooning in Barcelona & Sweden. We are excited to see them but my heart aches that we have this sad news to tell them. When this posts everyone will know the news we have managed to keep off social media for a week! If you only knew how big my husband’s family was you would know what a miracle that has been too! One request we have has is to “NOT SPOIL THE HONEYMOON!”.

Thanks for reading! ~ Melynda

 

 

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