There is one thing that has brought me peace and let me know everything would be ok – climbing in my Daddy’s lap and him just holding me. The comfort in his big belly, the shaking of his jiggly legs and the warmth of his arms around me would give me peace and contentment from birth to age 45 when he died on April 10th two years ago. Before the thought pops in your head, YES! I still climbed in my Dad’s lap when I had a bad day. And now that I have been facing life’s toughest challenge, since giving birth to a colicky baby, in battling Myasthenia Gravis I miss my Daddy’s lap. I mean I still have my mom but I would squish her! 😂
May 2, 1946 was the day my father, Charles Wyatt Fuller was brought into this world. He grew up in a home with 5 sisters, 1 brother, I know he had a cow because we have a picture of him dressed in his Sunday best hugging his pet cow! He loved animals, spoiled our dogs rotten & he loved our little family to pieces. My mom Peggy, my brother Wyatt & I were his world until…I gave birth to the first two grandchildren then he would hurt my feelings when he would bypass my puckered lips and grab the baby on my hip. If you have kids you know exactly what I’m talking about! We would butt heads a lot but when it came down to it he would do anything for us. Especially me, I was his favorite! You could ask him and he would agree! (I added that extra just for my brother’s sake!) I may not have been the best daughter in the world and may have crossed a line or two but I know that I know my daddy loved me beyond measure. With that being said, I sure miss him these days. The days I’m alone at the hospital I think of him. When I’m struggling to breathe I want to sit in his lap and know all is well. It’s why I thought on his birthday I would share something that happened a couple of hospital stays back.
I wrote a blog in February about being in the MICU unit and having to use the sink toilet and no room for visitors several- not my favorite hospital stay! It was during that stay that I had a scary experience. I went down for a central line placement because I have horrible veins and about 15 minutes after they brought me back up I could not move, I could not talk, I was struggling for every breath and I was scared to death. I couldn’t mash the call light or for you non-southerners – press the call light. The only thing I could do was follow the nurses with my one good eye that wasn’t cocked off to the corner. I was finally able to get one of the nurses to look at me and mouthed the words I can’t breathe. She sprung into action but again, I was in the MICU not Neuro where they know me and know what to do. If my Mama & Aunt Mary had not walked in I would have been on a ventilator no doubt. Mama told them what needed to be done and when they finally put me on the BiPap machine I just collapsed from sheer exhaustion. Imagine trying to dig yourself out of a hole someone keeps putting dirt in. That is exactly how I felt! I fought with all of my might until I knew that something was going to help me move air. It was during those hours that I was knocked out I had the best experience I have ever had. I spent time sitting in my daddy’s lap. He never spoke to me, he just held me. He had both legs, he never struggled to breathe or cough, he was completely whole as a person. He was young and handsome. The place that we were at was as beautiful as any place I have ever seen and he just held me. I knew in that moment everything will be fine. It was one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given.
I believe in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I have a relationship with God. I talk to Him so much he probably wears earplugs! He is my peace that passes all understanding. He is the reason I choose to take Myasthenia Gravis and fight like a warrior – to take this test and make it my testimony. I can choose to make each day good or bad. I can wallow in the fact I’m sick or I can say “forgettabout it” and plow through the day. I choose to be positive. I know God will heal me in His time. It may be on earth or in heaven but one day I will be healed. I am ok either way because I know it will be wonderful in heaven. I feel like I have seen a glimpse and let me tell you; it’s indescribable! I am still in awe that my Heavenly Father loves me more than my earthly father in that he sent Jesus Christ to live a perfect live in such an imperfect world. He died on a cross and rose a victor over death & sin! We too can rise a victor by just asking Him to be our Saviour and having a relationship with Him! That my friends is THE GREATEST GIFT I’ve ever been given. I wish for you the same if you don’t know Him! A true testament that a Father’s love never dies.
Thanks for reading. It was hard for me to share this post. I haven’t told many people about it but I felt like I needed to & then I thought how fitting – tomorrow is Daddy’s Birthday! I hope you are having a great week! ~ Melynda