As I sit to write in my blog I am perplexed by this disease process. Myasthenia Gravis is a complicated, non-forgiving, untimely, crazy, unfair disease. The symptoms come and go, mostly at the most inopportune times! Today is a prime example – Adam had a hair cut appointment at 9 am, had a few stops to make – come home. What do I do? I leave my walker at home, I only have just a few places to run in and they all involved a buggy or letting Adam run in himself. So here we go-off to Augusta! Haircut – in process when my husband calls to let me know they have transported his 93 year old grandmother (she is mine to after 25 years!) to the ER. He is at work 45 miles away & his mom is with her. I told him we would go by to check on them. Haircut finished – heading to ER. Well let me tell you there is no close parking to the door at Doctors Hospital ER that is for certain! When we finally get into the ER we were told that only 2 could go back. I send Adam in so I could rest before having to walk any farther. How crazy does that seem? I am 46 YEARS OLD and cannot even walk into the ER without resting. My legs feel like putty at this point. I go in check on Big Mama, who had just had blood work that was not back. We did not stay long because, now thanks to MG, I have a “compromised immune system” and should not be in places like an ER with sick people! Big Mama comes first, plain and simple – totally worth the risk! We leave to go run errands while we wait on the labs because the last place I need to be is in the ER waiting room! Back to walking we go, arm in arm with Adam bless his heart! He is so good about helping me when I know the last thing he wants people to see is his mama hanging on his arm. Makes me cry just thinking about what my family sacrifices to make my life as normal as can be.
We run our errands to find out that out washing machine is deceased and I now need to search for a new one. Que the dramatic music. I do not want to go looking for a washer but what are you suppose to do with that kind of news? You HAVE to wash clothes and the laundromat is not a task that I can physically do right now. It takes all my strength to wash, dry, fold & put away 1, that’s right ONE load of clothes at the time. I have to rest in between – so not fair! By the time I go to head home with a washer loaded in the back of my truck I am beyond exhausted. Thank goodness Adam has his license and drove us the 45 minute drive home. I slept, completely shut down, I don’t remember the ride or anything. Completely crazy how I am physically kaput and I cannot stop it – my body literally stops. There is no fighting to stay awake, no coffee to assist, no exercise to pump up the heart – nothing I can do to fight it and it stinks!
My Saturday has been exhausting and my washer is still not hooked up! You may laugh but 6 months ago, I would have had that bad boy hooked up and running before anyone else had gotten home. Now, thanks to Myasthenia Gravis, I am up trying to figure out what I could have done different to give me the energy to hook up the washer by myself. Sometimes I just get ticked off for having such a vicious life altering disease. Then I sit back and think I could be completely incapacitated and for that I am thankful!
There is always a silver lining to every situation. We tend to get caught up in ourselves and our little corner of the world. The big picture never tends to cross our minds because we have become a self centered, self focused society. Take a moment and look at what you have and what someone else may not have. We look at what others have and want that. The person that my have the nice new car & fancy house could be lonely and wishing they were you with the family to hold on to. You never know what others are facing.
This week I have been listening the English Standard Version of the Bible on CD. The chapters I have been listening to are 1 & 2 Kings and 1 Chronicles while riding to work in my car each morning. That’s my uninterrupted time with The Lord. It may sound crazy but I have gotten a lot our of listening to someone read the Bible. To me those Old Testament books have been parts of the Bible that are hard to read because they have the “begat” sections in them that give the genealogy lessons. But something stuck out to me this week that I have continued to ponder over. Throughout these sections of the Bible it has had two phrases that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Those phrases are – he “was evil in the sight of the Lord” or it labeled them as a “mighty warrior”. Knowing that The Lord saw me as evil in his sight just makes my stomach ache! I cannot fathom that statement but after much thought, WE ARE unless we are saved my the mighty blood of Jesus Christ. God cannot see anything that we do in our earthly bodies as good. We are sin, plain and simple – ugly, horrid sin. Without His grace and mercy we are nothing. Have you thought about which God sees you as? I am thankful for His mercy and that I can be a MIGHTY WARRIOR for the kingdom of God! I can also be a mighty warrior in this fight with myasthenia gravis – because it continues to be a daily battle too! Do I always win each battle – absolutely not, but I have the KING OF KINGS & LORD OF LORDS in it with me! Where I fail – he REIGNS!!
Again, this is my blog, I am not a biblical scholar – just an everyday Christian struggling with worldly issues and putting my thoughts out there. I am trying to keep it real because if you see me and ask me how I am I will tell you “I’m fine”or “I’m taking it one day at the time.” I will probably never really tell anyone how I feel. I have had a hard time admitting I can’t do it all. That is not how I thought I was wired – MG has thrown me a curve ball and I am continuing to swing!
Thanks for reading!